In the article Steps for finding the perfect partner, one of the points was that to increase your chances of meeting the perfect partner, you have to be willing to meet as many people as you reasonably can.
Just think how many people pass you by every day without you taking a second glance. Call me a whimsical romantic but every single member of the opposite sex that you nonchalantly pass by each day could be your future soul mate!
Make a commitment:
One of the biggest barriers that inhibits people from approaching members of the opposite sex is excuses. Even men who have paid me sizeable amounts of money to teach them how to meet women still give me a barrage of excuses when it comes to actually doing it:
“I’m not really attracted to her.”
“She looks busy.”
“I’m not feeling it.”
“I’ve hesitated too long.”
The cause of these excuses stems partly from evolutionary origins and partly from cultural ones. I won’t go into details on those explnations here but having “don’t talk to strangers” drummed into us by parents and other influential figures at a young age, as well as an irrational fear of rejection, both play a part in this.
The only way you are going to start to counteract these instinctual excuses is if you make a firm commitment to yourself to do so. Humans are creatures of habit after all.
If you want to be in charge of your dating life… If you want to CHOOSE who you are in a relationship with… If you want to find someone who not only meets your standards but goes far beyond them… then you need to make a commitment to yourself to be proactive. Your commitment could be something like the following:
“I am going to approach every person I see who I am attracted to unless there is a realistic constraint”, the only realistic constraint being that you are in such a rush that you cannot stop for even thirty seconds.
Having said that, try not to become a tyrant for approaching strangers. It should be an extra thing that you can casually implement into your life, not the sole way you meet people.
Get outside your head:
All the excuses mentioned above, plus any others you can think of, emanate from being too inside your own head, or thinking too much. Being in the moment and not overanalysing situations is pivotal to being spontaneous, interesting and confident… All extremely attractive traits!
If you want to really get this part of your psyche handled then I highly recommend reading the works of Eckhart Tolle. His best-selling book The Power of Now is a great place to start.
Don’t jump ahead of yourself:
So many times people shoot themselves in the foot regarding dating, by pre-empting too much…
Giving someone your phone-number does not mean you are definitely going on a date together!
Going on a date with someone does not mean you have to sleep with them!
Sleeping with someone does not necessarily mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend!
All of these are real thoughts people have that restrict relationships from growing organically. In the same vein, approaching a stranger that you are physically attracted to does not mean that a relationship is guaranteed to manifest between the two of you. In fact, you’re not even guaranteed to like the person, or connect with them at all!
Treat meeting someone new simply as meeting someone who you might like to get to know and nothing more at first.
This section is primarily for people who have an intense fear of meeting strangers. There are many people like that out there. I was one of the worst when I first started out!
If the thought of having a friendly interaction with a random stranger is too much for you, simply break it down into smaller chunks or steps. Make it a goal to simply smile and greet someone new each day as you pass. Then perhaps you can extend that greeting into a short conversation the next time. If you do these exercises regularly, I guarantee you will reduce your fear of approaching strangers dramatically.
Have something default to say:
By far the biggest excuse I get from clients about approaching someone of the opposite sex is “I don’t know what to say”. There is a simple solution: have something default to say for the times you can’t think of anything spontaneous.
I hate to give advice that might make someone sound contrived or disingenuous but a simple line that helps you become more sociable is really helpful for a lot of people. Try to think of something that will work for you. One example that works almost anywhere is along the lines of…
“Hi, you look interesting so I thought I would come and say hi; I’m Samuel”, said with a genuine smile. Obviously swap Samuel for whatever your name is… unless your name is Samuel, in which case you have an awesome name!
If all this seems completely alien to you, remember that new skills only become comfortable with practice. Eventually you will be able to interact confidently with anyone who passes through your life and as a result you will meet so many more interesting people, including potential romantic partners. 🙂