A common request I receive is for help and guidance on texting a new potential suitor. Usually I receive such requests from men, as women tend to more readily ask their friends for advice, but occasionally I get such requests from women too. Sometimes I get asked outright to write a text from scratch for someone, although I will explain shortly why this doesn’t actually help in the long run.
Due to this demand, I have decided to compile a list of general guidelines for texting someone you have recently met and acquired the phone number of. These guidelines are most relevant for the beginning stages of dating. After knowing someone for a while and getting past the initial pressure of texting someone new, you won’t have to worry about these concepts, although they are still useful to keep in mind when texting in a relationship…
First thoughts are usually the best:
Have you ever sat there staring at your phone, agonising over what to write, modifying your drafts hundreds of times, asking around your close friends for creative input and then agonising some more before finally sending something similar to what you had in the first place? More often than not, what you immediately think of when crafting a text message is the best option. Overanalyses kills creative flow!
Further on from this point, less thought is generally better. An attractive person is usually a busy person and hence will send texts whilst on the move or just before heading off to do something. Sending a message quickly with your first thoughts has two benefits: it conveys that you have a busy lifestyle in the way you have written the message and it also prevents overthinking whether what you wrote was the best possible message, or whether the other person will reply!
Keep it short:
One of the biggest turnoffs in dating, whether you are male or female, is being needy. Nothing displays neediness more than a long essay in text message form, that clearly took considerable time to compose. Keep your message as short as possible while still saying what you want to say.
Amount and frequency:
A good rule of thumb for how long and frequent your text messages should be is to do roughly what the person you are text flirting with does. By that I mean, if they are taking five or six hours to reply to each text, you generally want to be hitting the same frequency. Don’t be ruthless with this if a quicker response seems reasonable but resist the urge to get excited upon receiving a text message and respond in an instant if they aren’t doing the same.
This does not contradict my earlier point of replying with your first thoughts. Read the text message, put your phone away and then reply from scratch when you want to. If you are receiving immediate replies from them, consider making them wait a bit for your next message. Nothing builds tension and intrigue more than them waiting, within reason, for your reply. You will be on their mind all day!
Keep the interaction exciting:
Nothing kills interest more than a mundane and prolonged text exchange. Yes you will be building rapport by doing this but text is not the best way to achieve this; you want to do that in person! Make sure every message you send is exciting and interesting. You want them to be smiling and giggling when they receive your message whenever possible!
If you are being asked in-depth rapport style questions then make them wait until they meet you to find out more and handle the question with a cocky and funny response in the meantime. They are only asking such questions in the first place to ensure the interaction continues and to make sure you know they are interested.
Text messages are one of the easiest forms of communication to take out of context, so don’t take everything literally and don’t jump to any conclusions about anything they have written.
Make sure the interaction is always progressing:
Despite being an easy and quick way to flirt with someone, texting can only get you so far. What you really want to be doing is leading up to a phone call or an in-person meet-up.
An easy way to progress to meeting in real life is to casually introduce the prospect, once again in a fun and flirty way. I’ll give an example, which I’m sure is something similar to what I sent my girlfriend initially to suggest we meet up in person:
“Hey. [response to their last message]. Well I think I’ve finally assured myself that you’re not a boogieman so I’ll let you come and hang out with me sometime next week. 🙂 What’s your schedule like?”
There are several other points I get asked about, such as whether to text or call and how to introduce call-back humour. For now though, keep in mind that you should never worry about something as trivial as a text message and remember that whatever you are sending, if they are replying, they are indeed interested! 🙂