The perfect first date
What does tradition tell us is the best first date: dinner, the cinema, or perhaps flowers and an open invitation to whatever the other person wants to do? All three of these are terrible! Let me deal with them separately…
Don’t go for dinner:
Dinner dates used to be my worst nightmare; what a pressurised situation! You’re sitting opposite each other with the whole focus on uninterrupted conversation. You’re sitting in the same spot for up to two hours, so once the limited chat about the food and surrounding decor has worn off, you really have to be at your conversational best to keep the interaction interesting. Not to mention that sitting opposite each other completely restricts any physical touch, one of the fundamental aspects of progressing a sexual relationship.
Getting takeaway food or grabbing a bite to eat if you’re both hungry is fine but setting up a formal dinner date is uninspiring, unoriginal and ultimately a big commitment for a first date. You’re likely to get a high percentage of women turning this sort of date down at first for those reasons.
Don’t go to the cinema:
The whole point of a date is to get to know each other better. Sitting next to each other in silence for a couple of hours is unlikely to achieve that! The movie may be awesome but all that will happen is that both parties will return home, tell their friends they had a great time at the cinema and then realise that they don’t know anything more about their date than before heading out. Once again, any touching in this environment also comes across as forced, cliché and awkward.
Don’t buy loads of gifts and pay for everything:
Turning up at her house in clothes you would never normally wear, carrying a blooming bouquet of flowers, and whisking her off to a location of her choice is not as effective as it sounds. It also sends the message that you feel the need to materialistically impress others, seek approval and buy affection.
A woman may love telling her friends about the romantic date she just had, but she won’t be ticking off many attraction boxes in her subconscious mind if that is all you have to offer. A woman will pick stimulating conversation and emotional highs over money and gifts every single time.
The ACTUAL perfect first date:
For starters, I only refer to it as a date for the ease of understanding. In my mind we are just hanging out like I would with any other friend. Thinking this way will keep you relaxed and take the pressure away from worrying if you will impress your date.
The less emphasis on the activity the better in my mind as that will also alleviate the pressure from her too. Therefore, my personal favourite first date and one that I have been adopting for years is a nice bar as close to my place as possible. I always make sure it is a really casual setup where we can sit down and get to know each other, whilst making it really playful and fun in the way we interact. The reason I suggest it being near your house is mainly so you can go back there easily if things start becoming more intimate.
Planning the date out:
If it is an evening event, make sure it is a night you know she won’t be busy. Early Sunday evening used to be my “date evening” as most people don’t have big plans on a Sunday, as well as everyone being relaxed from the weekend.
If this works for you, set up the date by simply saying you have some free time Sunday evening and that they can join you for a drink if they like. You want it to sound like there is no pressure or expectation. It’s no big deal if they can’t join you. To alleviate further pressure you could even say something along the lines of, “We can’t make it a late one as I have work in the morning”.
If they can’t make it, don’t act upset; simply say something along the lines of, “what’s your upcoming schedule like and we’ll see what we can arrange”. Obviously, if they agree, simple set a time and place to meet… Take control of the situation and save any extra conversation for the date.
An informal drink is not the only option and I often get told by students that they want to do fun, exciting dates, which I also recommend if suitable. As long as it doesn’t seem like you’ve put too much effort and expectation on the date at this early stage, anything can work. I have a friend who used to have free entry to the local Laser Quest (I think it’s called Laser Tag in some places) and he would always take dates there. These dates were always lots of fun and really original, so they would go down a storm.
Should I kiss on the first date?
This is a common question I get asked. If you worry about this then it will show the other person that it is a big deal, which it shouldn’t be. Kissing is merely comfort building.
The reason such a big deal is put on first date kissing is because of the following cliché scenario: guy and girl have a lovely first date and connect really well; they’ve been laughing and sharing stories all evening. The guy, being a gentleman of course, offers to walk the lady home (something I would recommend doing by the way) and then at the doorstep there is a big awkward “soooo… I guess we should say goodnight then!” There’s this big pressure on both parties as to whether they should kiss goodnight… but they haven’t even held hands yet and have barely touched each other all evening.
That is one hell of a jump to go from not having touched each other to suddenly having a romantic embrace. Yes it can sometimes work, but what is a better solution? Well, avoid there being a big gap in intimacy in the first place by physically escalating, smoothly and consistently. That means from when you first meet each other, lightly touch each other as you’re joking around, pull them in for hugs, go arm in arm playfully and hold their hand every now and then. Now when it comes time to have your first kiss together (which doesn’t necessarily have to be at the end of the date, in fact, the earlier the better), it won’t be so awkward as you have naturally progressed to that level of intimacy.
As everyone knows, modern culture has determined that the man usually has to make the majority of the leading moves with regards to dating. Although this article may seem like it is geared towards men, I would love to see more women start to take control of these situations and implement some of these ideas too. 🙂
I agree with the no-dinner-as-a-first date rule. Or any similar situation. I once went on a first date with a guy to an amusement park and it ended up with us waiting in line for hours and awkwardly talking to other people in line because we couldn’t think of anything to talk to each other about. It seemed like an awesome idea, but epiiiic fail. And movies are definitely second date material.
Fun article– it definitely made my physics lecture more interesting:)
ps- I think its incredibly sexy if a guy asks if he can kiss me before he does … (and guys seem to think it’s cute when i ask). My girlfriends tell me this is really stupid though, so maybe its just me:)
Us British folk absolutely love queues (you should see our local post-offices) but yer that does sound kinda EF! Perhaps you could date someone who has their own private theme-park… A certain ‘king of pop’ springs to mind. 🙂
I actually agree about the asking before kissing thing. I recommend (girl or guy can say this) saying, “would you like to kiss me?” when you think the time is right. Sounds kinda cheesy but it alleviates any awkwardness or ‘getting the timing wrong’. It’s got a distinct difference to “can I kiss you” because it has a built-in get-out clause if they say no… “Well I didn’t say you could, you just look like you have something on your mind” and then carry on chatting. 🙂
Credit to a crazy magician called Mystery for that one… and I don’t recommend much by him anymore so hey ho.
Thanks for your comment darl,