Men and women who have been cheated on in the past will usually be able to look back and pinpoint certain forewarnings in their partner’s behaviour and develop their own reasons for why it happened. There is a tendency to ignore any of the real relational reasons behind it though and to instead load all the blame on the cheating partner. Every action has causation and it’s only by being aware of and understanding those causes that you will be able to prevent or deal with the outcome… in this case, cheating!
I’ve written previously about The ONLY way to prevent your partner cheating and why Cheating on a partner does not matter but a useful thing to know before committing yourself to a monogamous relationship is how likely your chosen partner is to cheat on you at any point along the way.
There are some people in relationships who in the back of their minds are scared stiff that their partner will cheat on them and will have already imposed strict consequences for finding out that they have. While it is never advisable to become a neurotic relationship detective, probing and testing your partner’s fidelity at every opportunity, knowing some of the causes for cheating will help ease the fear of cheating and help you to focus on the more positive aspects of a relationship.
This article discusses three ways that dictate how likely your partner is to cheat…
Personality, track record and disposition towards cheating:
By the time someone reaches adulthood they will have already developed their own unique disposition towards cheating, although usually not consciously. This disposition is governed by a number of factors including the social groups one mixes with and the personal experience and knowledge of relationships obtained thus far in life.
Although people can completely change their mindset and behaviour, it is difficult to do so for deep-set beliefs, rooted through years of social conditioning.
The old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” sadly does bear truth, although not necessarily in the literal sense. While people who have cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past may very well regret their actions and vow never to cheat again, they could be victim of fidelity suppression.
Fidelity suppression concerns someone in a relationship suppressing their biological urges to mate with other people, solely because of society’s strict views towards monogamy or their partner’s unrepentant attitude towards those urges.
This usually arises when someone feels that they have gotten into a relationship before they were ready: settling down before they have really experienced different relationships and discovered exactly what they want in a partner. Else, they have rationalised that the consequences of being caught cheating outweigh the reasons for doing it, despite those urges.
I don’t know about you but I would hate to think that I am ever restricting my partner in this way. In my own relationship, if Heidi truly started feeling romantic urges towards other people, she knows to be honest to me about it and we can adjust our relationship accordingly. Having said that, the reason that such an event would come about in the first place is largely based on my next point…
The quality of your relationship:
There are a countless number of excuses or justifications from people who cheat on their other half but at the end of the day someone cheats because there is something fundamentally missing or lacking in their current relationship.
As talked about in the popular article The ONLY way to prevent your partner cheating, all you can do to prevent your partner from cheating on you is to work on being the best boyfriend or girlfriend possible and to always make the relationship as happy and fulfilling as it can be.
This isn’t to say that people in unsatisfying relationships or in a relationship that is going through a bad patch will definitely be unfaithful; that is determined by the original disposition towards cheating but also by my next point…
Social situations and better options:
I’m sure many of us know of men or women who when in an alcohol-fuelled, heightened state become far more susceptible to cheating when the right person comes along. What I’m going to somewhat controversially proclaim is that this is a far more common practice than you might think, thankfully more in theory than in practice.
I actually personally know of several men – most are reputable dating coaches – who have the ability to attract and unwittingly lead a woman even if it turns out that she is in a seemingly happy long-term relationship. This comes down to the psychological and biological desire to pair-bond with the mate of highest value to us. In the moment of certain social situations, this desire is stronger than the loyalty towards a current partner in the majority or free-thinking individuals.
In practical terms what this means is that the more doubts and negativity there is in your relationship, the more likely your partner is going to find someone “better”, regardless of how moral or faithful they usually are. If you eliminate those doubts and negativity and work on being the best option available then your partner is extremely unlikely to cheat on you!
The reason that this article is titled part 1 is because I have created a diagram that determines with a high degree of accuracy how likely your partner is to cheat. Part 2 of how likely your partner is to cheat can be found HERE. 🙂