As sparklife increases in popularity, I receive more and more requests from advertisers and affiliate marketers wanting my endorsement. For some reason, the most common products I receive review requests for are “get your ex back” type programs.
There are specific reasons why I am reluctant to promote any program or service that deals with getting back with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, which I will explain shortly, but this third-party interest does show that it is a common enough issue for me to cover.
This article will give a few tips on how to get back with an ex but first I will address what I believe is a far more pertinent question…
Why do you really want to get back with your ex?
There are a whole host of reasons why a relationship might end but below the surface, it is always due to the needs and wants of one or both people in the relationship not being met.
Regardless of how much you miss the relationship shortly after a breakup, there was something fundamental that led to its demise. It takes a strong character to control the instinctual feelings of loss and not be drawn into a state of longing soon after a relationship ends.
If little progress is made during the immediate aftermath of a breakup, in order to analyse and work on the areas of the relationship that need attention, you should follow the first step of how to get your ex back…
Take some time out:
Whether you want to get back with your ex or you want to move on, taking at least some brief time away from each other is imperative to separate yourself from the emotional ties of that relationship and view everything rationally. A recent article that discusses these initial decisions is the article titled Should I stay or leave my relationship.
Be proactive as soon as possible:
The feeling of loss is always going to be significant just after breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend and that is usually the time where regrets can creep in, or the relationship continues but in a substandard fashion. It is for that reason that I always suggest being socially proactive as soon as possible, regardless of whether you are hoping the relationship will be rekindled or not.
Immediately after any of my previous relationships ended, I always forced myself to go out and meet several new women that same week! This was in no way intended to be disrespectful to the ex-girlfriend in question, but it allowed me to put the relationship in perspective and not become needy due to the automatic feelings of loss.
As counter-intuitive as it may seem, buying flowers, ringing constantly, telling your ex incessantly that you love them, or doing anything that suggests begging for your partner back once a decision has already been made, will only push them further away! This theory is explained more concisely in the article Managing the most powerful emotion in the world – The love equilibrium.
Comparing everyone to your ex:
Another common reason to feel like you want to get back with an ex is how the new men or women you meet compare to your ex.
Attraction can be created extremely easily but rapport and intimacy is something that develops over time and continues to grow as a relationship progresses. Although there are many enjoyable aspects to starting a relationship with someone new, it will take the same amount of time for that rapport and intimacy to develop to heights of your previous relationship. Comparing the two at wholly different stages creates unrealistic parallels in your mind; one where your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend will always seem superior.
Restarting the relationship as new:
If people actively follow through with some of this advice in this article, they will usually realise in time that their relationship did have its downfalls and perhaps wasn’t the perfect relationship for them. This is the first step to learning from the experience, moving on and continuing on your path to finding the perfect partner.
However, it’s not for anyone else to decide that moving on is the correct course of action. Perhaps the relationship truly was special and it was merely complacency or inexperience that affected it.
If this truly is the case, when you do meet with your ex again – and this should only be done once you have dealt with any feelings of neediness surrounding getting back together – you must convey the changes you have actually made. You must amp attraction and leave the affectionate side for if the relationship progresses once more. An article that discusses the distinction between these traits is called Nice guy or bad boy – Find the perfect balance and is useful information for both men and women.
Remember, couples who get back together without actually changing anything will invariably find themselves back in the same situation before long!
Do you have experience or thoughts about getting back with an ex, or wanting to get back with an ex? What is your opinion or advice for someone who is in that situation? 🙂