Do you have sexual fantasies that you keep to yourself?
Is there a sexual fantasy you really want your girlfriend or boyfriend to try but don’t know how to approach it?
Starting a new sexual relationship is an exciting time but it doesn’t take long for sex with the same person to become monotonous. From the people willing to divulge aspects of their sex-lives it seems it is all too common for relationships that have surpassed the one-year mark (especially ones that have gone far beyond that) to have a sex-life that consists of a predetermined routine, devoid of all the passion, excitement and discovery of the initial period together.
This article will talk about ways to get your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more sexually expressive, as well as get them more interested in trying new things in the bedroom (or anywhere else you might have sex)…
Sexual polarity is something that many “sexperts” such as self-help author David Deida talk about, whereby true sexual fulfilment for a couple requires both a masculine and a feminine counterpart. In more relevant language this means that for ongoing sexual attraction and fulfillment in a relationship, there needs to be one person who is more sexually dominant and one person who plays a more submissive role during sex.
The beauty is that these roles don’t have to be set in stone; they just have to exist. One day it could be the man playing the more dominant role with the female playing a more submissive role. The next day it could be the complete reverse, with the woman playing the more dominant role while the man plays a more submissive role.
It surprised me to learn that homosexual relationships also comply with this theory. One of my gay friends at University once decided to indulge our social group with a complete breakdown of the dynamics of a gay sexual relationship. He went on to explain how they also generally have a dominant and a submissive setup, despite being the same gender.
The time when a sexual relationship becomes monotonous is when this polarity fails to exist or becomes neutral. When this happens you end up with sex that is repetitive and unfulfilling: same night of the week, same positions, same location… Absolutely no spontaneity or evolvement!
So how do you turn things around if you see your relationship heading in this direction?…
Talk openly with your partner:
A lot of couples, especially early on when the problems this article is addressing start to develop, find talking openly about sexual topics taboo or inappropriate, even privately with the person they are intimate with.
My friends and I used to have an interesting conversation piece revolving around how women are often terrible at giving oral sex because they never get bad feedback. Most men would rather receive bad blowjobs than no blowjobs at all! How can you expect your partner to fully satisfy you and be fully sexually expressive if you never tell them what you like and what you dislike?
Learn to talk to your partner about sexual topics without any embarrassment, both during sexual intercourse and during private conversation to find out exactly how you can both improve. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions, try variations and ask for feedback to test certain things.
Utilise your imaginations to discover new things:
One of the most underrated techniques in bringing out your partner’s sexual side is helping them use their imagination to positively associate themselves as sexual beings. There are several specific techniques for making new sexual experiences seem real and arousing for your partner: “phone sex” or “dirty texts” are two ways you can achieve this. Note that a smooth and respectful escalation is imperative when introducing new experiences such as these. For example, don’t start out with anything too explicit and make sure the other person is always enjoying the escalating visualisations.
Slowly introducing new techniques or fantasies in small parts into your sex-life is by far the best way to warm them to new ideas and make everyone comfortable, even if you have spoken about them previously.
Educate your partner:
There are so many misinformed notions surrounding certain sexual practices and sex-education in schools (at least here in England) does little more than cover the basics of procreation and safe-sex, sometimes even estranging modern sexual practices.
Porn is another resource that can actually hinder rather than help a couple’s sexual development as it is made to create a fast visual impact for its audience rather than educate anyone.
The best way to turn around your partner’s negative views towards certain sexual practices is to give them a resource from authority that covers every angle, answers questions and lets them know that you are also fully informed and not wanting to experiment for self-gratifying reasons alone.
If you want some specific recommendations of products for a particular sexual practice then get in touch and chances are I have the perfect product to recommend for you.
Never force something on your partner:
Finally, you should never force your partner to do something that they are not completely ready for and comfortable with. The length of time for them to reach the required level of sexual expression and openness for certain practices will largely depend on how sheltered their upbringing was regarding sexual topics, as well as their own personal experiences with sex.
The worst way to introduce something new is to force, plea or compromise your partner into trying it. If they have verbally agreed but are still not at the required level of physical comfort, their body will subconsciously resist the act, which will severely harm their emotional and physical enjoyment.
Please let me know what you think of the introduction of more sexual-orientated articles like this to the website, as well as any thoughts and experiences you have on the above topic. 🙂