10 things you can do right now to improve your love life – part 2
This is the second part in the list of ’10 things you can do right now to improve your love life’. The first part can be found HERE.
6) Smile and remember people’s names:
These two characteristics can be summed up by the term “friendliness”. Although most of us are taught these principles from an early age, it is amazing how many people rarely apply them due to low self-esteem, contempt for other people or just downright laziness!
A genuine smile is the universal display of confidence and friendliness. By genuine I mean one that radiates across the whole face like you’re simply enjoying being alive. Make sure you don’t just smile with the mouth but also with your eyes and teeth. A good example of someone who smiles like this is Joey from the American sitcom Friends…
It’s part of his character to always be in the moment and just be fun, happy Joey!
A simple exercise to get into a smiling state is to think back to a moment where you were exceptionally happy and smile as you relive the moment (a recent memory that achieves this for me is when I first saw my newborn niece and how I felt as I witnessed her innocent and enlightened face as she arrived into our world). You can do this exercise in front of a mirror and as you analyse your face, you will notice the difference in your internal feelings when you smile and when you do not.
As for remembering names, everyone knows how precious a name is to an individual. I’m sure you can remember a time when someone you didn’t know too well greeted you by name and how warming and connected you felt.
A time where this concept really hit home was several years ago at a social gathering where I was introducing two of my oldest school friends to a new friend of mine. This new friend is extremely successful and to his detriment, sometimes lets that get the better of him, especially when meeting people who are not traditionally “cool” or high value. I introduced my old friends and upon seeing them, my new friend blurted out, “oh I’m rubbish with names, I won’t remember them”. Although this occurred many years ago, the two school friends have never forgotten it and still mention the incident to this day.
Our brains only allow us to easily remember a certain amount of data and remembering names can be tricky sometimes. Fortunately, there are a number of techniques you can use to effectively remember people’s names with ease. I developed these for the times I would be teaching seminars of up to fifteen people. I would always feel embarrassed if I had to ask for a student’s name several times before the name stuck. The techniques I now use are very simple and I will explain them fully in a future article.
7) Be well-groomed and smell good:
The benefits of being well-groomed and not smelling bad should be self-explanatory but once again, it’s amazing how laziness can take its toll on some people. I occasionally go a day without showering and by the end of it I feel disgusting! No one wants to date a scruffy, bad-smelling man or woman, no matter how amazing their personality is. If you don’t already, it doesn’t take much effort to shower or bath every day, washing thoroughly, spraying some deodorant and styling your hair. The effect of this fifteen minute makeover (multiply a few times for women, am I right) will do wonders with your dating life.
8 ) Live a healthy lifestyle:
I’m not talking about counting calories religiously and pumping iron at the gym here, but keeping in shape and eating well will not only make you feel great, it will also help towards the aforementioned attractive lifestyle. There are loads of great resources both online and in books about healthy eating.
One of the easiest general exercises that both sexes can do is running. Find a suitable area and schedule a run a few times a week… I’m sure you will find it both invigorating and therapeutic. All it takes is a bit of discipline!
9) Offer value at every possible opportunity:
If ever you see an opportunity to unashamedly compliment someone, whether it’s your mother, your best friend, or a random woman struggling with three kids at a bus-stop, do it! It costs you nothing and you will most likely make that person’s day. I also guarantee you will feel great yourself.
I recently devised a “complimenting challenge” that I will reveal soon, which got me doing this act of unashamedly dishing out deserving compliments to everyone I can. Hopefully it’s doing its small part towards making the world we live in a slightly more loving and peaceful place.
You don’t have to limit it to compliments either. Everyone has some unique knowledge or gift that they can share with as many people as possible. If you can’t think of anything specific right now, simply being there for someone who requires some emotional support offers untold amounts of value to that person.
10) Get out of the house and talk to people:
This last one sounds simple and it really is. If you’re feeling down and just fancy wallowing in self-pity at home, kick yourself up the behind and get out the house!
People used to think I was crazy that if I had no other plans on a particular night and none of my friends were available, I would simply go to a bar on my own. Those were the nights where I would be forced to talk to people and have actually made some amazing friends this way. I would also always be beaming with pride the next morning.
Compare that to a contemplative evening at home on my own and I think you can see which one is more appealing! Obviously as a dating coach I have a wealth of in-depth methods for approaching strangers, making great friends and creating attraction, but it all starts with actually putting yourself out there.
I will dedicate an article of its own for specific tips but for now, realise that unless you become godlike at online dating (and are willing to spend a lot of time and effort going down that route), you are not going to meet the man or woman of your dreams sitting at home.
That brings us to the end of my list of ten things you can do right now to improve your love-life. If you implement a number of these ideas that you feel you could improve, coupled with a positive self-image, you will be meeting the people you desire in no time! 🙂
Hey Sam! Nice post! I would quite like to know the method you use of remembering people’s names! I teach swimming and english and sadly I am awful at names and need loads of help on this haha! Cheers any help would be appreciated!
Hey James, how’s it going?
There are a number of techniques for remembering names more easily but the most practical, simple and immediate techniques revolve around concentration and focus. Our brains are very good at filtering out short-term memory tuples (geeky database term there) if there is something more important to focus on. Breaking it down, if you really focus when someone is introducing themselves and repeat their name to yourself, it should work in the short-term. Taking that further, actually repeating the name back to them verbally in your next few sentences works wonders in making a name ‘sticky’ (for example, “thanks John”, or “nice to meet you John”). There has been research in the marketing world that claims it takes repeating a name/brand/slogan six times for our brains to really absorb it.
On a more advanced level (such as when trying to remember a significant number of names in one go), visualisations and name mnemonics is what all the top memory experts use. It’s not something you’ll be able to train yourself to do overnight but if you start by assigning visual images and pictures to names, it greatly increases your ability to remember it. A crude example could be if you have a student called Peter then you could visualise him wearing a Peter Pan costume. 🙂
If you want some more in-depth or scientific explanations and techniques then let me know and I’ll point you in the right direction.
Thanks for checking out these posts, 🙂