It is easy to assume that your relationship will last forever. The rapturous emotions and validation one gets from sharing their affection exclusively with someone special often eclipses any negatives that might exist. Without the direct comparison of other similarly fulfilling relationships, it is easy for a gradual decline to go unnoticed.
Whilst this article focuses on determining how well your partner compliments your deepest relationship desires, it can also be read as a self-evaluation. If you want to be with the perfect partner for you, it goes without saying that you should be the perfect partner in return! It is only once you have both of those factors in place that you have the ingredients for the perfect relationship…
Everyone has their own personal beliefs and behaviours, developed via their own unique experiences in life. Part of forming a romantic relationship is not necessarily matching those beliefs and behaviours but adapting them to work together.
As discussed in the article The Happy Relationship Timeline, there comes a point in every relationship where the euphoric feelings of early attraction start to be integrated with more realistic life plans, as well as a deeper and more serious level of intimacy.
Having someone who fulfils your emotional desires involves being with someone who understands you.
Even typically negative emotional traits such as jealousy or anger are not necessarily bad if you are with a partner who empathises with such behaviour, without compromising their own emotional desires of course.
Gary Chapman in his popular book The Five Love Languages hypothesises that individuals will seek one of five different expressions of love from their partner or spouse. He concludes that by discovering which of the five you and your partner seek, you can cater for those desires accordingly. The five love languages he lists are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
There is truth that people will naturally appreciate certain expressions of love over others, but the overriding point is that most people strive to be with someone who fully understands and supports all of their emotional desires.
Physical desires – sex, intimacy and physical touch – are only one part of a fulfilling relationship, but for many couples it can be the final make or break beyond an emotional connection. An unfulfilling sex life is something that can gradually develop and is one of the primary causes of infidelity.
Physical desires are not just about being with someone who is sexually expressive and selfless, but also having someone who is consistently close and comforting with their intimacy, rather than ever being distant.
When it comes to dealing with couples who are unsatisfied physically, it usually comes down to a lack of communication (ineffectively expressing their physical desires) or a lack of effort to become a better lover (accepting a mediocre sex life). A masterful lover should understand their partner’s body better than anybody else and become resolute and proactive in gaining that ability.
With proactive dating, it is actually relatively easy to find someone who fulfils both your emotional and physical desires. Finding someone who also has compatible growth desires and actively assists those desires is somewhat trickier.
All marriages or similarly long-term, committed relationships end because one person “changed”, or somewhat contradictory, “didn’t change”. To avoid those feelings, as the relationship progresses, a couple must change together. This includes supporting and encouraging each other’s goals and passions, as well as adapting to the results of any personal development.
With an ever evolving relationship, certain lapses in understanding are inevitably going to occur. Occasional moments of frustration or insecurity will crop up in a dynamic relationship. These moments are fine as long as you and your partner can quickly acknowledge them for what they are and use them as a learning experience.
It is when someone continually imposes the same negative occurrences – jealousy or arguments for example – with no apparent awareness that they start to create distance and contempt with their partner.
It is okay to make mistakes in a relationship but it is how you act afterwards that is important. A fulfilling relationship is a constant process of learning, improving and adapting to each other’s growth desires.
By definition, a partner that fulfils all of your emotional, physical and growth desires is the perfect partner for you. In my many years of working with couples from all sorts of different backgrounds, I am yet to meet someone who has cheated on their partner while sincerely believing that they fulfil those three criteria.
Remember that only the most socially astute person will be able to completely fulfil all three areas without at least some guidance and encouragement from you along the way. This is most certainly a mutual activity and by taking the time and effort to fully discover and understand your partner’s emotional, physical and growth desires, they will much more inclined to reciprocate. 🙂