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What I’ve learnt in 10 years as a dating and relationship coach

Three weeks earlier I had moved into a cushy, little flat for my first year of university. In the adjoining bedrooms were five comely females. Six more resided in the flat above and another six in the flat below. Yet here I was, hunched over my keyboard in a dimly lit room, frustrated to breaking point that despite my self-confessed fun and stimulating personality, I couldn’t attract this potential harem, let alone any other women at the university.

That evening back in October 2003 marked the beginning of an epic journey of research, discovery and perseverance. One of the first resources I found on that initial research session was a dating product called Double Your Dating, written by a now acquaintance of mine. Along with discovering other people on the internet with similar frustrations, it opened my eyes to the possibility of change. What followed were years of fervent practice, verging on an obsession. I was determined to learn without compromise how to master topics such as female psychology, social dynamics, attraction, seduction and relationships.

It was approximately three years before I was properly teaching others the intricacies of what I now call proactive dating and fulfilling relationships, but I still credit that lonely evening ten years ago as my starting point.

Here are some of the most important lessons I have learnt in ten years as a dating and relationship coach… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

Setting boundaries in a relationship

If I had to break down all relationship issues to one single factor, it would be boundaries being disregarded. From trivial arguments to gross acts of unfaithfulness, it is the absence of clearly understood boundaries that is to blame.

Boundaries in the context of a relationship refer to the points at which acceptable behaviour crosses over into unacceptable behaviour. These points can and should be different for every relationship, based on the individuals involved. One thing that does not differ though is a positive correlation between boundaries being respected and how mutually fulfilling a relationship is.

There are different types of boundaries in a relationship; some are a lot more mutually beneficial than others. This article will describe those different types and discuss how to ensure that the boundaries in your relationship are always respected… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

The power of using nicknames

When it comes to dating and relationships, nicknames are a severely underrated and underused idea. Coming up with fitting nicknames is not going to make or break any relationships, but it can definitely help in creating a deeper sense of familiarity and connection.

Sometimes a nickname will spontaneously arise. If not, most people default to calling their partners and romantic interests by their actual name, or with something generic and unimaginative such as “babe”.

There is nothing inherently wrong with the above, but by using a generic name you neglect an easy opportunity to create a special connection and set yourself apart from everyone else in that person’s life!

A relationship develops over time, through several specific stages. As such, any nicknames you use will probably go through a similar evolution; the nickname changes and evolves as the relationship progresses.

Below are three stages in the evolution of the perfect nickname or pet name. They show how a nickname should change and evolve to mirror the commitment level and feelings in a relationship… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

There is no such thing as the perfect partner… or is there?

At the start of every dating seminar I speak at, I ask the attendees what their ultimate goal is with regards to dating and relationships.

By far the most common answer is to end up with “the one”… that one special person that matches all of their core values and surpasses everything else they look for in a romantic partner.

Whilst this is a lovely ideal in theory, how do you know when you have definitely found the right person? If you journey through relationships sequentially like the majority of people do, how do you know that there isn’t someone better suited to you out there each time?

This article will discuss whether there is indeed one special person for everyone, as well as provide some food for thought on how to know exactly what you are looking for in the world of love… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

Moving in together – Tips for living with your girlfriend or boyfriend

There are several stages in a relationship where the commitment level is stepped up a notch and a melee of new tests arise… moving in with your partner is one of those.

Heidi and I have been living together for quite a while now and although we are still just as happy in our relationship as we have always been, there are several new lessons we have learnt from being in each other’s company all the time.

This article will discuss some of those insights and share some tips about how to adapt your relationship accordingly once you are living together.

Please feel free to share your experiences, thoughts and insights in the comments section once you have finished reading and I will respond as soon as possible… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

Is your partner perfect for you? Read this and see…

It is easy to assume that your relationship will last forever. The rapturous emotions and validation one gets from sharing their affection exclusively with another often eclipses any negatives there might be. Without the direct comparison of other similarly fulfilling relationships, it is easy for a gradual decline to go unnoticed.

Whilst this article focuses on determining how well your partner compliments your deepest relationship desires, it can also be read as a self-evaluation. If you want to be with the perfect partner for you, it goes without saying that you should be the perfect partner in return! It is only once you have both of these factors in place that you have the ingredients for the perfect relationship… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

How to prevent arguments in a relationship

Learning to deal with arguments and come out the other side with minimal negativity or damage is a key aspect in the conflict solving stage of a relationship.

One step further is preventing arguments from occurring in the first place! It is an advanced skill for couples to achieve but one that ultimately leads to the most continually positive and fulfilling relationships.

This article will discuss some useful methods for preventing arguments in a relationship before they even get started… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

A 10 minute exercise to improve your relationship

Couples come to me with all sorts of relationship issues but they can always be sorted into two categories: prevention or improvement!

Some examples of issues that would fall under the prevention category are solving excessive arguments, eliminating any unnecessary jealousy or dealing with frustration towards a romantic partner’s changeable behaviour.

Some common examples that fall under the improvement category are couples looking for more intimacy, understanding or romance in their relationship.

The thing with any of the above is that the people coming to me for relationship advice are not always concise about their particular issue and how it developed. It is so easy to settle into a relationship and become blissfully unaware of the value of continually working on and enriching certain aspects of it, until things start to go downhill that is.

Below is an exercise that will start to highlight any areas of your relationship that might require some extra effort or attention. Even if you currently feel perfectly happy in your relationship, you will be surprised at how easy it is to further enrich it still. 🙂

As a result of doing this exercise, you are also likely to reveal exactly how fulfilling your relationship and indeed your partner really is for you… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

Dealing with a breakup

Only a small proportion of people remain with their first girlfriend or boyfriend for life, so dealing with breakups is an inevitable consequence of having an active dating life.

A breakup can occasionally be a completely mutual decision (and they are ultimately the least emotionally damaging for both parties) but more often than not, there is one person a lot more emotionally affected by a breakup. That person will usually be the one on the receiving end of the news.

There are two perspectives that this article will focus on. First we shall deal with breakups from the point of view of the recipient: the person in the relationship who does not necessarily want it to end (often referred to colloquially and somewhat abrasively as the “dumpee”). I will then address breakups from the point of view of the instigator (the person initiating the breakup) before finishing with advice suitable for both… 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]

The Happy Relationship Time Line

Every relationship is unique and what works for one couple does not necessarily replicate for every other couple out there!

Having now worked with hundreds of romantic couples from all sorts of backgrounds, beliefs and experience levels, I’ve started to discover more and more trends that DO span across a variety of different relationships and more specifically, how those relationships develop over time.

In this article, I am going to present to you a simplified version of this relationship development in the form of an illustrated time line. It portrays two of the core elements behind every happy and fulfilling long-term relationship… I call it The Happy Relationship Time Line! 🙂 [Continue reading this post…]