There are several factors that contribute towards how attractive you are… or more precisely, how attractive people perceive you to be. The two overriding factors though are your internal beliefs and your conveyed personality.

Internal beliefs are generally constructed through life experience, from infancy onwards… If you experience positive messages and attention from others, you will generally have a lot more self-belief and confidence by default than if you rarely receive validation of that sort.

Conveyed personality is an extension of that inner confidence and is basically how we come across to other people, including first impressions and social skills.

Internal beliefs and conveyed personality are closely correlated, with each one directly affecting the other. This means that by improving one aspect of these attraction variables, you proportionally improve the other.

This article is going to focus on the latter of these two variables, with the intention being that by paying attention to certain aspects of your personality, you can increase how attractive other people perceive you. This will in turn improve several internal beliefs.

Note that this article is not implying that you change your core personality, more that it is suggesting ways to CONVEY your personality in the best way. Also remember that attraction doesn’t stop when you’re in a relationship… presumably you want to remain attractive throughout your relationships too!

Without further ado, here are three steps to being more attractive… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 15th, 2010 at 6:42 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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A lot of people say, when put on the spot about dating someone specific, or when deciding to end a relationship, that they are just not “compatible” with this other person.

The truth is that compatibility is created and we can learn to be compatible with just about anyone.

It is the art of connecting with someone that we base this compatibility supposition on: some people connect with each other far more naturally than others, which is generally how we get into romantic relationships.

It is for this reason, that when a couple come to me, adamant on staying together and working on their relationship, that helping them to connect with each other is the number one priority. If you can positively connect with someone (and I will explain what I mean by positively connecting in this article) then the basis of a fulfilling relationship is already there… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 3:41 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating, Relationships.
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Approach anxiety is an unusual phenomenon… It is irrational and unbeneficial yet remains a very real experience for a lot of people!

Approach anxiety is the manifestation of a number of physiological and emotional symptoms we get when we decide to actively meet a stranger. The time where this is most significant (which is also what makes it highly relevant to the topics on this website) is when thinking about approaching someone we are attracted to.

Humans are social creatures and we live in a sophisticated world of several billion people, yet there are still common scenarios where we find it abnormal to approach a fellow human being and instinctual responses take over our logical desires in those moments.

There are probably a few naturally confident men and women, socialised at an early age, who are reading this and cannot relate to this feeling of approach anxiety. For the rest of us, I’m sure you can think of a time where you really wanted to meet someone, perhaps someone you are physically attracted to, and approach anxiety kicked in; else, you simply dismiss the idea of actively meeting people in this way altogether.

I’ve yet to meet someone, regardless of situation or relationship status that hasn’t had their lives enriched by learning to meet more people or overcome their anxieties. This article will explain where approach anxiety comes from and then detail a simple three-step method for overcoming it… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 at 8:59 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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Today’s update is a practical assignment that will have a positive effect on many aspects of your life. If you’ve been following my twitter profile recently then you will have noticed that the lead up to this challenge revolves around thinking about the best compliments you have ever been given and how you felt when you received them. If you haven’t responded to that yet then please add the best compliment you have ever been given in the comments section at the end of this article. The responses I have received so far have highlighted the variety of positive emotions that I was expecting.

The following complimenting challenge takes very little time out of your daily routine (in fact it is incorporated directly into it) and will have a profound effect on both your dating life and your relationships… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 7:25 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating, Relationships.
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A question I often get asked is “does your girlfriend mind that you are a dating coach?” As part of that aspect of my work, I often take guys out into the real world and demonstrate how easy it is to meet people of the opposite sex, so to put their question another way, does Heidi mind that I approach other women? The truth is that even if I didn’t work as a dating coach I would still approach other women! Before I procure a heavy backlash from that statement, let me explain what I mean…

Attractive people in relationships:

One of the saddest aspects of relationships is that they can turn even the most attractive person into their antithesis over time. Have you ever had a friend who has suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth after getting into a serious relationship? Or, have you ever come out of a long relationship only to feel clueless as to how to succeed in the dating world again? Both of these questions are answered by analysing the contrasting mindsets between people in relationships and those same people when they are not in a relationship. [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 at 6:30 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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The ‘friend zone’ is a common dating situation where one person develops feelings for someone with whom their relationship has previously always been purely platonic. The friend zone can also refer to a situation where one person openly reveals a romantic interest in someone else only for the feelings not to be reciprocated. This second description is commonly referred to as the “let’s just be friends” syndrome due to the fact that phrase is a common response to unwanted romantic interest from a friend.

It is typically more common for men to find themselves in situations regarding the friend zone, as women generally have more dating options available to them and as a consequence can differentiate between emotional attachment and sexual attraction more easily. In fact, of my male clients, a fairly high percentage come to me directly from the situation that there is someone specific who they want to win over. My advice to those people is usually the same: in order to get one woman, you have to be able to get ALL women!

This article is going to dissect the psychology behind having romantic feelings for a friend before describing the only reliable techniques to starting a relationship with someone who you are firmly in the ‘friend zone’ with… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 5:31 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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Are you a nice guy?

The ‘nice guy’ is a common term that gets casually thrown around the dating scene. It describes a guy who may very well have lots of female friends, yet at the same time finds it hard to specifically convert that friendship into romantic interest with the women that they want. Ironically, women are actually looking for someone with the very qualities that the nice guys possess, yet in popular culture women always seem to be attracted to the ‘bad boys’… Why is that?

This article is going to specifically break down the difference between these two contrasting behaviour types before explaining how you can attract the women that you desire whilst still being a ‘nice guy’…

The difference between nice guys and bad boys:

Women are generally very good at describing what they want their ideal partner to be like and they will readily list off a number of qualities that nice guys typically possess: loyal, trustworthy, reliable etc. The problem is that in these circumstances women are thinking in terms of someone they could experience a long and fulfilling relationship with, not someone who is going to subconsciously attract them when they first meet. This is the first cause for why men are sometimes confused as to what women really look for in a man. [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 at 12:07 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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Whether you are single, in a monogamous relationship or anywhere in between, the foundation to having a successful and happy dating life or relationship is in learning how to communicate with other people effectively, which is the essence of being ‘sociable’.

When I was in my early teens I always thought that you were either born with great social skills or you had to make do without. There were kids in school who seemed to make no effort to have swarms of friends and be the life of all social functions. The truth is that being sociable is a learnt skill and no matter how extroverted you were taught to be when growing up, everyone can practice being more sociable. Being able to have positive interactions with all the people you meet will certainly enrich many aspects of your life.

In order to become more outgoing in general, it’s all very well being told, “just get out there and force yourself to be”. Unfortunately humans aren’t always the best at forcing themselves to break habits and do new things. A far more balmy method to become more sociable is to put yourself in a situation where you are forced to interact with other people by default… [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 at 3:23 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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Having a ‘movie evening’ with someone in any sort of romantic fashion actually requires a fair bit of investment and commitment to a potential relationship, so whilst it doesn’t make a particularly good first date, watching a movie together makes a great second or third date. Whilst I am by no means a renowned movie expert, I still get asked occasionally for movie recommendations for dates, which is the inspiration for this article.

To be honest, the actual choice of movie isn’t all that important (although I will give some suggestions later in this article); it’s more about the time spent together and developing the interaction between the two of you, so as long as the selection isn’t yawn-inducing, it should be fine. Having said that, in this article I will give a few things to think about regarding this topic, which conveniently ties in with how to make decisions on almost ANYTHING date related…

Choosing a movie for a date:

The reason watching a movie at home with someone you are romantically interested in is such a great idea in the early stages of dating is that it breeds familiarity and is an easy way to start building romantic intimacy and rapport, without too much pressure. Also, if you pick the right sort of movie, you can help curb the energy levels and emotional stimulus of the relationship, as explained in the following summary: [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 3:02 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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My last article was about how to advance your dating life and social life in general by starting to approach and meet more people in everyday life. I thought I would write a somewhat related article before diverging into more in-depth relationship topics once more.

This article focuses on a dating principle that is often conducted inefficiently, if conducted at all…

The most important principle in dating:

One of the most disregarded pieces of the dating puzzle is the process of telling someone why you like them. If you’ve ever had someone stand you up for a date… If you’ve ever had someone you like not return your calls or texts… If you’ve ever had someone seem really interested in you and then witness that interest swiftly plummet without explanation… This is probably the reason!

It seems simple in principle but so many people fail to actually tell people they are attracted to what it is they actually like about them beyond their physical appearance. A result of this is that the other person will always be thinking “hmm are they only after one thing… Do they actually like ME?” Admittedly, this is more of a common thought amongst women than men, as dating culture has set men up to be the pursuers, who will generally reap ANY reciprocated interest.

Whatever your intentions are, if you don’t tell someone what you like about them early on, any future relationship is going to start in a staggered fashion, if at all. [Continue reading this post...]

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This entry was posted on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 at 1:36 pm by Samuel McCrohan and is filed under Dating.
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