At the start of every dating seminar I speak at, I ask the attendees what their ultimate goal is with regards to dating and relationships.
By far the most common answer is to end up with “the one”… that one special person that matches all of their core values and surpasses everything else they look for in a romantic partner.
Whilst this is a lovely ideal in theory, how do you know when you have definitely found the right person? If you journey through relationships sequentially like the majority of people do, how do you know that there isn’t someone better suited to you out there each time?
This article will discuss whether there is indeed one special person for everyone, as well as provide some food for thought on how to know exactly what you are looking for in the world of love…
Does the perfect partner exist?
A surprising number of people believe in fate when it comes to relationships… that the right person will magically appear in their life without much searching. It can happen but more often than not, such a mindset leads to people forcing or settling for subpar relationships, rather than being proactive and enforcing high standards.
The notion of there being one perfect partner or soul mate is misguided… Instead, there are lots of potentially perfect partners out there.
In a sense, if you strip away superficial factors such as physical appearance, every single person that you meet is potentially the perfect partner, until proven otherwise!
Once you have a base level of attraction with someone, building on that is more a case of not doing anything wrong, rather than having to do everything right. As long as you don’t do anything to oppose someone’s personal standards or desires (and remember that attractive traits are universally desirable), you will continue to be a potential romantic interest and have the opportunity to progress towards a relationship.
Your knowledge of exactly what you are looking for in a relationship will change over time. The more people that you meet or date, and the more relationship experience that you accumulate, the more decisive your standards will become.
Does monogamy affect the perfect partner ideal?
Dating someone is very different to actually being in a relationship together. As mentioned above, when you are dating someone, although it is unnecessary to consciously categorise, that person can only potentially be the perfect partner for you. It is only once you have been in a relationship for some time that you can gradually confirm whether they do actually fulfil that role.
To make matters even more complicated, most people are constantly learning and changing.
The literal meaning of “monogamy” is one (mono) marriage (gamos) and in its modern usage, pertains to having one partner and one partner only.
At a conceptual level, monogamy does not exist because you and your partner should be constantly changing, adapting and improving… You are essentially always in a relationship with someone new!
It is the couples that go through the process of personal development at different rates that will start noticing imperfections in their once perfect partner.
The perfect partner:
Whilst nobody is “perfect”, you can definitely be with someone who is perfect for YOU at each moment in time. If that continues to be the same person and you are mutually committed to enriching the relationship then that is great… you are likely to have a long and fulfilling relationship together.
If, on the other hand, your partner is no longer fulfilling your evolving desires, perhaps your image of the perfect partner has changed.
The best relationships are those that are unbounded. I don’t regret any of my past relationships because every single one taught me something new and raised my standards even further. They not only taught me what I was really looking for in my perfect partner… but they also shaped me into becoming the perfect partner myself… the ultimate boyfriend that I always envisaged being. After all, you can only expect to be with the perfect partner if you believe you are the reciprocal perfect partner yourself!
Every relationship should teach you something new about what you really want in your love life. If you aren’t learning anything new then you are either not resolute enough when it comes to high standards… or you’ve found the one…