Being nice, affectionate and asking questions is actually a great basis for attraction. It shows that you can connect with people.

Using those conversational skills as a means for attraction is simply a case of attaching a more fun, playful vibe to any interactions like you say. This can be done in loads of different ways, such as twisting generic questions into statements, teasing or playing games to get to know each other in a more unique way. Body language is also something that can be used to create a more fun and flirtatious context to an interaction.

Having said that, the thing that really differentiates a meaningful and a meaningless conversation is enthusiasm. If you can convey a balanced level of interest (from social to romantic to sexual interest where relevant), then it doesn’t matter how many questions you ask or how nice you are.

Thanks for your comment,

Sam

Thanks a lot; I’m glad you enjoyed the articles!

I completely agree with you… it’s a great social skill to be able to let things roll off your shoulders with ease, although it is still worth taking calm and conscious note of what was said. The feedback we get from others, be it from strangers or from the people close to us, is usually (although not always) a direct result of how we have come across in a certain situation. The important thing, like you say, is to not take things to heart or let anything affect our self-esteem.

Thanks a lot for commenting.

The next article should be up sometime tomorrow so please check back then if you can.

Sam

That’s a valid point about keeping things simple when dating. The tricky part as you say is dealing with the internal aspects and ‘self-belief’ rather than any practical or logistical elements.

Confidence (which is the basis for utilising the above three points correctly) is gained from positive experience, so if someone has been wounded in the past, it probably will be a slow process to fully get that desired level of confidence. For those people, I suggest trying out just one or two examples that apply to the three steps to being more attractive, whenever they can, and see (and experience) the kind of responses they get.

Thanks for commenting,

Sam

The paradox is that most women ultimately want a ‘nice guy’ who treats them well… but those men just aren’t exciting or attractive in the first place and therefore easily pass undetected into the friend zone!

From the hundreds of men that I’ve coached over the years, the men that become utterly desirable are usually the ‘nice guys’ that learn how to convey more attractive sides of their personality. The antithesis (‘jerks’ who try to be more nice) often find it a lot harder to rid the undesirable aspects of their personality.

These generalisations can be useful for women to use when looking for the traits of a man for a long-term, fulfilling relationship.

As for specific advice for women, unfortunately modern society is to blame for putting men in the role of the pursuer with regards to dating. There obviously are specific things women can do to find what they are looking for but the basic advice revolves around the way a woman presents herself and how clearly she communicates her intentions. This comes under the ‘leading’ section of the above article. Most men are not as savvy at picking up female sub-communications as women would like and I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a man who has been offended by a woman stating intent or making calibrated advances of her own.

I always try to make my articles as accessible and unisex as possible but I endeavour to write an article specifically for females in the future, knowing there is demand for me to do so.

Thanks for writing,

Sam

I’m glad you enjoyed this article!

Friends and other men who are successful with women are actually the best people to learn from. They often won’t be able to verbalise what works as they are naturally doing these things but you can learn a lot by simply observing them.

Thanks for your comment,

Sam

As with most behaviours, being reactive is something we generally learn whilst growing up and from how ‘hard done by’ we feel in life. Being unreactive is basically a technical way of saying “being at complete ease with yourself and your life”.

As I said in the article, most interactions are an attempt to get a reaction of some sort but there are two that are particularly noteworthy and practical in this instance. The first is when first approaching or meeting someone attractive of the opposite sex and the second is whilst in a long-term relationship, concerning negative interactions such as arguments.

With both scenarios, the first point is to never take criticism or rudeness personally. Usually it is an outward projection of how the other person is feeling at that particular moment in time and is not as vindictive as it may seem. Fighting fire with fire is never the best solution to arguments, contempt or rudeness.

An example of this in action is when meeting physically attractive women of the clubbing generation. Having been approached, sleazed and pined over hundreds of times in their lives, they often resort to making subconscious judgements about you before you’ve properly spoken to them, let alone connected with them. The irony is that these women are often the sweetest and friendliest women you’ll meet once you get to know them. Remaining unreactive, in control and content in the first place is the only way of communicating that their initial judgement about you is wrong. Of course, once you start naturally doing this, you won’t have to consciously think about it at all!

The point is that walking away from someone is not being unreactive at all… It is simply suppressing the emotions externally but still communicating exactly the same things. Considering your good success with women and your overall attractiveness, if you bear in mind some of these points during your interactions, it won’t be long before you adopt that natural mind-shift.

Thanks for your comment and question,

Sam