Maintaining a power struggle over distance is difficult as it is sometimes hard to know how your partner truly feels. A great default attitude is to always assume the best until notified otherwise. This will help improve how you think about and treat each other.

Concentrate on keeping your relationship positive and fun and put any worries such as who is expressing the most love to the back of your mind. You will find that by not focusing on the specific dynamics of love and instead concentrating on enjoying each other’s presence again, you will naturally find a balance. If you can think of ways to get your girlfriend reinvested in the relationship (planning some new experiences together for example) this will be even more powerful.

As for the birthday incident, unless there are any hidden details there doesn’t seem too much wrong. Letting your girlfriend enjoy times away from you is a great way to take some of the pressure off the relationship. Be pleased that she is enjoying herself… just ensure that she is also enjoying herself as much as possible with you!

Thanks for reading the website,

Sam

That’s a brilliant quote! It can be applied to all aspects of a relationship and works equally for men and women.

Thanks for sharing,

Sam

To answer your question, some attitudes that will help avoid a power struggle are: empathy, rationality, composure, understanding and positivity. Whilst I could explain each point in detail, the main thing to note is that these are all attributes of someone who makes an effort to remain calm and happy with their partner as often as possible.

The power struggle is only really relevant whilst the relationship status is mutual. If you are looking for ways to rekindle a past relationship then there will now be added factors. If that is the case then if you browse around the website you will probably find several articles that are more specific to your situation.

I hope that helps and thanks for writing,

Sam

That’s a shame to hear that things didn’t end well. Now the pressure is off, it can sometimes be a good opportunity to try and put any emotional baggage aside and connect with each other on a more fun, social level. That said, I’d definitely recommend keeping yourself busy and taking your mind off the emotional aspect of the situation as much as possible, especially whilst she is still living with you.

All the best,

Sam

Just wanted to give you an update. Unfortuntaley we broke up about 3 weeks ago. I tried to talk to her about the stage we were going through but she just couldn’t get past the fact that she felt confused about our relationship all of a sudden after 3 years. She has said repeatedly that she knows she’s in love with me but doesn’t want this relationship right now. We’re still living together until she finds an apartment. I told her last week that she has to move out as quickly as possible because living together is too painful for me. She understands so she’s trying to find something as quickly as possible. I appreciate all the advice you have given me.

It sounds like you’re on the right track with the mindset you describe and trying not to impose any fears you might have onto your fiancé.

The first thing to do, like you suggest, is to not take any of these recent developments personally, or as a sign that she loves or values you any less.

One thing I like to do when feelings like that arise is to reframe it and think “how would my most attractive self act in this situation?” On a basic level, the resulting attitude involves learning to accept each piece of emotional input from your partner without a shred of negative emotion or reaction. This includes her seeming to want more alone time at the moment.

If you can make a conscious effort not to convey or act like the “relationship is already over” like your fiancé implies and you can prevent it from being a cause for any future arguments, then the relationship can very easily readjust back to how it was before too long.

Let me know how things work out,

Sam