Although hindsight does provide useful lessons, it’s impossible to say if your relationship would have taken a different path had it not started so routinely. The important thing is how you feel now and what you decide to do as a result.

The most important thing if you decide to discuss these topics with your boyfriend is to make sure it is a balanced discussion with equal input from each of you. It helps to discover your partner’s true feelings and thoughts in matters like this just as much as it does to reveal your own.

You might even find that the mere act of discussing polyamory and other alternate solutions actually invigorates the relationship without any drastic measures. It can certainly help to really get to the root of which aspects of the relationship are great and which aspects are perhaps not as fulfilling as they could be.

It sounds like you’ve got a smart way of thinking about things. Although you may not be able to “turn the clock back” to before you developed deeper feelings for each other, with good communication and brutal honesty within yourself, it is definitely possible to amicably modify or adapt the relationship and still like or love each other just as deeply.

Thanks a lot for commenting; I appreciate your input.

Sam

Thanks for sharing your story. I find it inspiring that after so long together you could mutually modify the relationship so seamlessly. It would be wonderful if more couples could be as open-minded and communicative as you guys are, rather than letting issues with their relationships build up and eventually cause real damage.

It sounds like a great setup you have and I agree that having somewhat strict guidelines and continued communication is imperative in making it all work. It is great to hear how it has positively affected your relationships with regards to respect, trust and honesty. I would be interested to know if you see this as a lasting setup, or if you are simply taking it as it comes?

Whilst it might be too much for some people to accept your lifestyle choice at first, perhaps there are ways in which you can plant the seeds and help them understand polyamory more accurately. I guess that would at least make a start in helping society become more accepting of it.

Thanks for commenting and reigniting the discussion,

Sam

I completely agree with the Prof on this; I’ve been with my partner for some 6 years. For the past 5 of those we have been 1 on 1. Last year this came up in coversation; we were in a stable and trusting enough place to let our thoughts and desires out into the open to see what the other thought. Surprisingly my partner felt the same as me and was comfortable with exploring the idea. We have strict guidelines, we know each others partners well. I have found myself happier then ever, more trusting, more open and far more honest then I ever thought I would be. My relationships have grown stronger, more balanced, bonded and above all – we are even more respectful of each other.

The only issue I have with this lifestyle is not being able to tell people. My other partner would love to show me off, but sadly cannot due to the fear of being judged. I only hope as time goes on, more and more will be accepting of polyamory.

Great article – will be reading more!

You’ve summed up perfectly the sort of attitude that is vital for a polyamorous or open relationship to flourish.

In actual fact, the article I posted last week about knowing if you are with the perfect partner echoes a lot of those sentiments. I agree that a healthy and fulfilling relationship should always be with someone who is open-minded and accepting of your desires and this is even more important in an atypical relationship setup such as polyamory.

Great comment; thanks a lot for posting.

Sam

Thumbs up, and keep it going!

Cheers
Christian

Thanks,

Sam

I agree with you that the early dating stages are the best time to remain open-minded, realistic and not suddenly dismiss all other dating contacts by rushing into a committed relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of this natural dating progression gets lost these days as people are in such a rush to secure their relationship status… and update it on Facebook!

As you mention, at the other end of the spectrum is deciding to become polyamorous once having been in a monogamous relationship for a while. I’ve heard people in this situation claim things such as, “I just have too much love to limit to one person” but this almost always turns out to be an internal excuse to water down a relationship that isn’t fulfilling enough!

As I mentioned in a previous comment, successful monogamous relationships are out there for everyone (and I’d hasten to say that this is the ultimate goal for most people) but it’s about being honest and rigorous with who you can actually have that successful relationship with.

Whilst the situation you mentioned does seem like a “slap in the face”, it is at least attempting to solve the issue that the relationship as it stands is not mutually fulfilling. Feedback is always important in relationships and people go about it in different ways, often by making intuitive decisions like the one above. As you say, that is what is called “adjusting to the changes”.

Thanks a lot for commenting,

Sam