In an ideal world, all relationships would be suitable and everlasting and we would inherit the tools necessary to coexist with that partner happily for life. Unfortunately this isn’t the case and marriage only goes some way in artificially creating that. That is why I would still only recommend professional therapy in extreme circumstances, even for married couples.

Indeed, seeking therapy does show the willingness to make a change but even then there are enough resources available that are from a far more productive and enlightened angle than therapy.

Thanks for your input and I hope your book does well for you,

Sam

That’s a good point about how age is often a factor. As people get older there is a far greater desire to settle down and think of stability and direction as more governing factors in a relationship.

I’m not sure I would recommend constantly asking what you are doing wrong but you’re right that you should be in charge of your own happiness.

Thanks for stopping by,

Sam

That’s exactly right… A lot of the time, people in the situation we’re discussing will put off making a decision, hoping that things will magically resolve themselves and obviously they rarely do without any input. At some point there does become a ‘turning point’ where things become too much but often decisions can be made a lot earlier and easier.

You’re right that someone doesn’t want to have unrealistic standards that prevent themselves from experiencing any relationships. It’s about finding the balance between knowing what you are looking for and knowing how to find it!

Thanks for commenting and I hope everything is grand with you,

Sam

I also agree about high standards, but being alone isn’t easy and sometimes, holding on to those standards one can lose their grip. Still, standards are the best way to stay your true self and even if they get slippery at times, one has to believe they will bring you the ideal partner.

I can definitely imagine that being married or even other factors such as living together can make the decision harder but I love the way you summed up your decision with, “my happiness was more important than my marriage”. I like that.

And yes, I should be settling back into the routine of updating every Tuesday and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Thanks,

Sam

I see your point and I agree that making a list of qualities whilst in a relationship may seem harsh. That idea was specifically for people who are already questioning their relationship. If someone knows that there are things missing in their relationship then the list idea that I mentioned helps them pinpoint what those missing areas are. Obviously if you are already happy in your relationship then there is little need to rationalise that happiness with a list or anything similar.

Thanks for your comment,

Sam

Yes I definitely still adhere to the notion that relationships should actively make us happy and add to our lives. I’m glad you like the diagram.

Whilst there is merit in your attitude towards only being in a relationship that is perfect, there is a lot of value in experiencing and learning from other relationships along the way. Else, you may not have the tools and skills required to make that perfect relationship last when it comes around.

A lot of a relationship’s success is in how each person applies themselves to it and the effort and understanding they utilise and this is generally only achieved through experience.

As for your comment about Valentine’s day, whilst it may seem a bit harsh to break up with someone before a special event, there will never be a ‘perfect’ time to breakup if the sentiment isn’t mutual. Common sense prevails in those situations.

Speaking of Valentine’s day though, next week I will be writing a ‘Valentine’s Day Special’, with tips and advice for singles, couples and anyone in between for the big day, so make sure you check that out!

Thanks for commenting,

Sam

This is a great post for me as I have indeed been in that situation with my last husband. I think that when you are married it does make the situation a lot harder as you cant just up and leave so easily. I went through some of the processes you describe though and decided that my happiness was more important than my marriage. The diagram and description is great, I can definately relate to that.

Are you returning to weekly updates?

Take care

Joan <3