I agree with you that society makes marriage out to be the ‘next step’ once you’ve been monogamous with someone for a while but there are so many other ways to develop and enrich a relationship before heading in that direction. If relationships could be scaled from one to ten on levels of fulfilment, I would say very few people wait until they reach the ten end of the scale before getting married, which is shown in the marriage/divorce statistics.

You’re right with your point about insecurities. If you don’t trust your partner, whether they are legitimate concerns or personal insecurities, marriage is not the answer to solve them. You almost want to be at a mutually enlightened state for marriage to have the best chance of success.

Thanks for your comments,

Sam

Take care

Joan <3

I actually agree with you about how marriage can be systematic or predetermined for a couple who just go ‘through the motions’ of a relationship and never really discuss or impose what they really want. The way living together does help is when as you say “how much you’re willing to accept your partner’s flaws, and knowing how much you can take” as that is a big part of it. It’s normally those little ‘flaws’ that are often ignored in the lead up to marriage but after a few years they become the issues that get magnified greatly by some of the things I mentioned in the article.

I agree with you that the traditions of marriage are changing, although there is still a fantasy and prestige element surrounding it that a lot of people crave. It was a long time ago that I saw the Sex and the City movie but I do know what you’re talking about; great example!

Thanks for commenting and Merry Christmas!

Sam

#10 always used to be a really important to me, but now that I’m older, it doesn’t mean as much. I’ve just been to so many weddings in my life. Tradition today doesn’t mean the same as long ago. If you ever saw the Sex and the City movie, there’s a storyline in there that demonstrates what can go wrong with tradition and how the most important part of marriage can get lost because of it.

All in all, I think you expressed these points beautifully Sam. I only wish more people saw this list before jumping into the ocean of marriage. It’s definitely useful advice I will take forward in any future relationship.

That’s an interesting point actually: ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ does come across as a rather casual relationship label, but there is no middle-ground label for people in committed, long-term relationships who aren’t married (‘life partner’ sounds kind of new-agey)! You’re right that we just have to accept that other people will make their own assumptions if they so choose and it doesn’t actually change the practical elements of any relationship anyway.

Your timeframes align with what I believe is about right, although it is different for every relationship. I want to REALLY know that my relationship is solid and lasting before even considering marriage and that’s just not possible in a matter of months. Some people definitely get caught up in the prestige and awe of getting married and almost forget what it really entails.

Thanks for your comment,

Sam

I 100% agree with these points. I was recently introduced to his gran’s neighbour as his fiancée when we are only living together. We’re not engaged yet but we do have plans. She jusT made the assumption and introduced me as such to “maintain appearances”.

We’ve known each other 4 years, together for 2 and living together for 18 months and marriage is still a least 2 years away.

Compare this to somebody I know who got out of a 5 yr relationship and was with somebody new 10 days later. They’re now engaged 8 months later (bought a house together after 3 weeks) and will be married before their first anniversary. She appears to be using it as sone kind of milestone because on her blog it says “we moved in together and what’s next… marriage!!” which is a totally illogical train of thought. I won’t be buying a wedding present. :p

Anyway, kudos.

The financial strain of a large wedding is a factor but I would not expect people to go beyond their means with the ceremony. There is the social pressure to make it an extravagant affair but aside from the vows, it is essentially just a large celebration/party and if people are willing to spend large sums of money on such an event then that is their own choice.

Thanks for commenting… I hope the wedding debts are paid off soon!

Sam

I agree with you and in fact the relationship of our parents and how healthy their marriage was whilst we are growing up undoubtedly has an influence over most people’s default view on marriage.

Thanks for leaving a comment,

Sam