Yes I agree with you. Whilst there are lots of similarities and generalisations that are useful for relationships, they should only ever be used as guidelines rather than strict rules. Every relationship is dynamic, so the attributes you highlighted are the main ones to keep in mind and apply according to the individual relationship.

Thanks for commenting,

Sam

Yes I definitely agree with that statement that cheating is a symptom rather than a problem. That shouldn’t be used as an excuse for cheating though, which the woman in your example seems to be using it as; someone saying “you drove me to it” for example.

As you go on to explain in your comment, cheating sometimes seems like the ‘easy way out’ for someone not completely content in their relationship, or rather the ‘easy alternative’. The reason it happens so secretively is because the cheater doesn’t want to risk losing the positive aspects of their current relationship and does actually want to preserve their partner’s feelings.

It’s never the best solution in practice but as I mentioned in one of the above comments, the act of cheating is fuelled by insecurities in some form. As a consequence, one partially satisfactory relationship plus another partially satisfactory relationship on the side can feel more complete to someone when the alternative is to risk having no relationship whilst they find a more complete singular relationship, if that makes sense. As I said, it’s never the best solution in practice and a cheater invariably becomes unstuck at some point, hurting people at the same time.

Thanks a lot for your comment Elena and have a rosy weekend,

Sam

I think as long as you’re being the best girlfriend/boyfriend you can be, that’s all that really matters (like you said earlier). However, I still feel that cheating seems like an easy way out for people who choose this route in a relationship. Too many people on the receiving end get hurt because the other chose to cheat. I believe that people are going to do what they are going to do but shouldn’t at the expense of the other’s feelings. Still, it is fascinating to understand what the factors are that make people do this.

I look forward to your diagram and follow up post Sam.

I see where you are coming from with your view on fidelity suppression but claiming everyone suppresses the urge to cheat is somewhat presumptuous. Whilst everyone has the ability to find themselves in that situation due to the natural choices and consequences of life, there are certain situations where fidelity suppression isn’t an issue at all. It takes a lot of self-realisation but if someone is completely satisfied both emotionally and physically in a relationship then by definition they won’t want anything more from elsewhere. It works in practice too but there is a big difference in relationships between being ‘satisfied’ and being ‘completely satisfied’!

There is also a big distinction between fantasy and reality when it comes to whether someone would actually cheat. Movie-stars and the like are ‘attractive’ because they have so much perceived value bestowed upon them by society. A lot of people in relationships find it easier to accept their partner having a crush on a celebrity for example because it lacks that reality. A celebrity, although having a head-start over the average person, would still have to go through the exact same steps to attract and date someone as anyone else.

As for your comments about seemingly promiscuous women in relationships, I know exactly what you mean and have been in the same situation myself many a time. It goes back to what I was saying in the article about women being led by emotions, and in the moment it is quite feasible that you were attractive enough and led the interaction smoothly enough that their boyfriend was in a sense ‘forgotten’ about. This situation does rely on their being doubts in that woman’s relationship though, although as you say, that is more common than most would think. Whilst anyone CAN cheat, only some people WILL cheat!

The next part of this article should clear up any of these points so make sure you check that out when I upload it.

Thanks for commenting,

Sam

I’m glad you enjoy this topic. The key to mastering any form of personal development is awareness so yes it does help to dissect and understand things as much as possible.

You make a great point about how behaviour and attitude can change depending on our experiences, especially a highly emotional experience. Tying this into the above article, the scenario you describe would come under your disposition towards cheating changing as a consequence of your personal experiences. It’s great to have that empathy and compassion now, as the antithesis is characteristic of someone who does cheat on their partner and will desensitise or distance themselves from those feelings as much as possible. This affects internally a lot more than just their relationships.

I definitely agree that the setup me and Heidi have regarding this is the healthiest both internally and externally. Whatever way cheating is justified or rationalised, it is always a product of insecurity in some form.

Thanks a lot Joan… If you’re subscribed to the e-mail list then you’ll receive an e-mail when the next part is uploaded!

Sam