Are you a nice guy?
The ‘nice guy’ is a common term that gets casually thrown around the dating scene. It describes a guy who may very well have lots of female friends, yet at the same time finds it hard to specifically convert that friendship into romantic interest with the women that they want. Ironically, women are actually looking for someone with the very qualities that the nice guys possess, yet in popular culture women always seem to be attracted to the ‘bad boys’… Why is that?
This article is going to specifically break down the difference between these two contrasting behaviour types before explaining how you can attract the women that you desire whilst still being a ‘nice guy’…
The difference between nice guys and bad boys:
Women are generally very good at describing what they want their ideal partner to be like and they will readily list off a number of qualities that nice guys typically possess: loyal, trustworthy, reliable etc. The problem is that in these circumstances women are thinking in terms of someone they could experience a long and fulfilling relationship with, not someone who is going to subconsciously attract them when they first meet. This is the first cause for why men are sometimes confused as to what women really look for in a man.
A bad boy typically has the reverse situation whereby he does display the qualities of an attractive male, yet doesn’t desire or fails to understand how to treat women when in a committed, long-term relationship.
Below is a comparative list of affectionate behaviour that is typical of a nice guy and then its attractive counterpart. As you go through the list, whether you are male or female, have a think about which category you fit into so you can decipher how your romantic interests currently perceive you:
Affectionate person Attractive person
Showering with compliments Compliments only when deserving
Worried about hurting feelings Teases about deficiencies
Always buying gifts Plans surprises
Being predictable Being spontaneous
Watching what you say Saying what you think
Clingy behaviour Willingness to walk away
Always on hand Leads a busy and fulfilling life
Listens to problems Changes emotions
Being reliable Being unpredictable
Needy behaviour Self-sufficient
Finding the perfect balance:
Perhaps you’ve read through the above list and found yourself falling solely into either the affectionate category or the attractive category, or perhaps you can’t place yourself in either category for some of the statements. Either way, there are precise times in dating and relationships where it is best to display your personality using some of the methods from the affectionate side of the list. Likewise, there are other times where it is best to display your personality using some of the methods from the attractive side of the list.
At a most basic level, an attractive person will GET the girl whereas an affectionate person will KEEP the girl. The ultimate is an amalgamation of both affectionate AND attractive and the skill is in calibrating your personality so that you know when it is best to act more affectionate and when it is best to act more attractive. This is an ongoing process from first meeting a woman you are attracted to, right through to having a long-term relationship together.
None of the terms in the above list are inherently bad… they just all have a unique time in the progression of a relationship where they are preferential. Every relationship progresses at a different rate so it would be exhaustive to list where each of the behaviour traits will be suitable. If you keep in mind what will come across as attractive and what will come across as affectionate using some of the ideas listed above then it shouldn’t be too hard to distinguish when each type should be adopted for yourself:
- If you sense a lack of attraction in your relationship (or if you have just met someone and want to attract them in the first place) then think about conveying your personality using the attractive traits listed.
- If you sense a lack of intimacy in your relationship then think about conveying your personality using some of the affectionate traits listed.
I hope some of this has been useful thinking for you and as always I would love to hear your opinions in the comments section below!