The basics of phone sex
Ever since mentioning phone sex as a means to additional sexual fulfilment in a relationship I have received several e-mails asking me to write about it in more depth, so that is what I have done here. 
Phone sex is most pragmatic for long-distance relationships or other instances where you and your partner will be apart for some amount of time; basically, any time there will be an unavoidable absence of physical intimacy between you and your partner. Phone sex can also be used without these constraints though, simply as an extra way to spice up and vary a sexual relationship.
Engaging in phone sex with your partner may seem strange or mildly uncomfortable at first but this article will explain why it is a great activity for both you and your partner. I will also reveal some practical guidelines on how to make it as enjoyable for both of you as possible…
Why phone sex is great in a relationship:
Relationships take a lot of work to keep fresh and exciting and far too often couples find themselves shifting into a monotonous routine, especially where sex is concerned. Phone sex is not only exciting in itself but it is also a great way to let your imagination run wild and safely introduce ideas and fantasies that may seem inappropriate in person.
Phone sex is especially enjoyable for women! Sexual fulfilment for a woman is very much a mental and emotional thing and so a satisfying phone sex session can reach heights of arousal that are often restricted by physical limitations or physical modus in person.
How to initiate phone sex:
The best time to initiate phone sex, at least for the first few times, is when you know both you and your partner are alone, in a calm and relaxed state and are unlikely to be disturbed or distracted anytime soon.
You should know the sexual dynamic of your relationship prior to initiating phone sex for the first time. Phone sex unequivocally encompasses the dynamic of there being a more dominant and a more submissive role played by each person in the relationship. It will usually be the role of the more dominant person in the relationship (often the male) to initiate and lead the sexual talk, so if you are in the more dominant role whilst on the phone, don’t expect your partner to take control at any point, especially the first few times you try it.
The best way to introduce the sexual talk is with romantic and comforting phrases at first, such as “I wish I was there with you right now”. For maximum enjoyment it is imperative that you do not prearrange having phone sex with your partner or tell them what you are about to do. This will severely dilute the spontaneity and imagination of the whole scenario as well as create an anticlimax. Instead, simply transition into romantic and sexual talk smoothly when you feel the time is right.
How to lead phone sex:
Treat phone sex in much the same way as you would a long and romantic sexual encounter in person. Fantasies and role-plays can come further down the line but at first you want to make sure your partner is comfortable as you slowly increase the sexual talk.
As phone sex is all created in the mind, you want to focus on very detailed and descriptive language, explaining every minute aspect of what you are doing. This involves describing every small action, smell and touch as you slowly escalate your sexual talk.
You basically want to be setting a scene as vividly as possible so your partner can perfectly visualise being there in the moment with you. You want to describe exactly how, where and when you will touch them with slow and elaborate imagery.
Listen carefully for audible feedback from your partner as it will be quite clear if they are enjoying the process or not. You can also ask for feedback along the way, as long as it is kept within the context of the scene.
Even if your partner is clearly enjoying what you are saying, try not to jump ahead of yourself or skip parts of the sexual escalation. Stay in control of the scene and keep it descriptive and sensual.
There are so many different variations on phone sex and infinite directions you can take it in, so have fun with it all. I would also recommend keeping it simple and mild at first so that both you and your partner can get used to interacting in this way over the phone.
Immediately after phone sex:
Even more so than after real sex, post-coital bonding is important in keeping the relationship intimate. There is every chance, especially if a woman is new to phone sex, that she may feel slightly cheap or used during the aftermath and that is obviously not the intention. Immediately after phone sex, take the time to talk about how much you enjoyed the experience, how sweet you think your partner is and how close you feel to them.
That wraps up some of my general guidelines on phone sex. Feel free to ask any questions or post your experiences below.
Much love,
Sam
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Woa this post came outta left field. Really great though, I get a lot out of these sexual articles. I’ve never even thought about doing phonesex before tbh although can think of one ex in particular who would’ve enjoyed this!
One question, is this only for people in longterm serious relationships or could I do this in more casual dating relationships too?
Thanks in advance!
-Danny
Hey Danny,
I thought it was about time I wrote another more sexual article… I’m glad you enjoy them!
To answer your question, it depends what you define as ‘casual dating’. In general, phone sex of the deep and intimate kind such as described in this article is going to work far better in a committed relationship as it relies on a certain level of comfort for each person to really get into it. As you say, you will generally be able to gauge from the woman how she will react to it from how sexual she is at other times.
It goes without saying that phone sex should only be introduced once the relationship is that of a sexual one. Obviously you want to be used to and comfortable with talking at length on the phone with one another too.
Although there are many different forms of phone sex, it is generally considered an ‘advanced sexual technique’ so I advise men to make sure they fully understand the female body and how to give sexual pleasure completely in real life before really getting into it.
I hope that helps,
Sam
i would love it if you could please give some more examples of the things you say during phonesex? me and my girlfriend have been talking about improving our sexlife recently and this sounds really good.
just found this website on google and subscribed.
thankyou
Hey Davesh, Welcome to the website and thanks for subscribing!
Phone sex varies greatly in intensity and duration so to give an exhaustive list of sound-bites wouldn’t be all that helpful. Phone sex works so much better when it is spontaneous and adapted according to each other’s personal tastes and also each other’s responses in the moment.
Having said that, a great default way to start the sexual talk is by describing where you are (the bedroom for example) and other details such as what you are wearing… Basically, setting the scene! You can then proceed to the descriptive and sensual talk I mentioned in the article.
A great default sentence prefix when you first start is, “If I was there with you right now I would…” and then describe what you would do, talking slow and deep.
Some examples to finish the above sentence could be:
“…lightly kiss you on the neck.”
“…kiss you all the way down to your shoulder and then all the way back up.”
“…delicately stroke the soft curves of your body.”
It’s up to you where you go from there and how far you want to take it!
I hope that gives you some ideas to start with at least and if you really want me to type out some more thorough examples then feel free to e-mail me and I’ll help you further.
Sam
hey..
how can i make sure that my girlfriend is comfortable with all this..i mean asking at every step..i guess would not sound good..so,could help me out on this..examples would be of great help..
Hey Asher,
You can normally judge how comfortable a woman will be with phone sex by how comfortable she is at other times of sexual expression. After that the only hurdle is making sure she is comfortable with the unfamiliar concept of being sexually expressive over the phone. That is achieved by easing into it from normal conversation and using the slow and smooth escalation I talk about in the article.
Although you’re right that asking at every step will kill the mood slightly, the feedback will be in her audible or verbal responses. If you can’t tell if she is enjoying it, or she isn’t sounding very responsive at all then you can try and get her more involved by either saying something like, “Do you like it when I do [x,y,z] to you”, “tell me how excited you are right now”, or getting her even more involved by saying something like, “what would you like me to do next?” although with the latter try not to shift the interaction completely into her control. The difference between this and asking her flat out if she is comfortable is that it is kept within the context of your imaginations, rather than focusing on the literal fact that you are on the phone to each other.
Once again though, a slow escalation, starting with romantic and sensual talk first, is the key to making even the most chaste women feel comfortable with phone sex.
I hope that answers your query,
Sam
OK I BEEN TALKING TO THIS GIRL FOR 6 MONTHS AND SHE DONT SHOW NO SEXUAL SIDE TO HER TO ME! I ASK HER DO SHE HAVE ANY FREAKY SIDE SHE ALWAYS ANSWER NO AND I ALSO HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION WILL A FEMALE GIVE YOU PHONE SEX IF THEY ARENT DOING NOTHING CUASE SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS GUY SHE USED TO BE FRIENDS WITH AND HE USED TO CALL HER JUST FOR THAT AND SHE WAS LIKE I DONT GET NOTHING OUT OF IT IF YOU GIVE PHONE SEX DO THE FEMALE BE ACTUALLY DOIN ANYTHING BECUASE IF U WILLING TO OFFER IT TO A PERSON I FEEL U GOTTA BE INTERESTED OR ELSE U WILL REJECT IT RIGHT? OR SHE JUST PLAY THAT ROLE WITH ME CUASE SHE DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE WHAT U THINK?
Hi Trell,
Phone sex is all about comfort and emotional attachment for it to be powerful for a woman. Aside from a few cases, women would not be comfortable having phone sex with someone with whom they are not already intimate with.
You definitely want to increase the sexual intimacy in real-life before initiating any form of intense phone sex else as you say, she won’t get much out of it. In fact, it will probably have a negative effect on any potential sexual relationship trying it before both of you are ‘ready’ for it.
Thanks for your questions,
Sam
i have another question why would u give a friend phone sex? she say she aint doing anything but role playing and aint touching herself? that just sound like a lie to me i feel if you helping a friend get off you must be interested and playing with yourself too. i just think she just playing games what you think cuase if i had a friend they horny i will just hang up and be like this not approipiate or just wouldnt engage in it.
Hi,
It’s hard to specifically analyse without more detail but there will definitely be some motive for her engaging in phone sex even with a friend; you’re on the right track with your thoughts. She is either doing it for fun, for the self-validation of being able to ‘get a guy off’ or she is actually getting more out of it than she is letting on. Either way, if she continues to consensually do something like that and everyone knows the situation then I’m not sure what exactly the issue is.
Sam
yea you right can be doing it for self validation also she said it been 2 years since she actually had sex but then again a guy stay miles away you met off the net call you just for phone sex and you engage in it yea she tell me it just funny to her at the end when a man get off. sound strange if a person constantly give a person phone sex and not be getting paid for it and not getting nothing out of it lol. and she also claim not to be masterbating forreal correct me if im wrong do you think this true? lol the crazy part was when i said give me a sample for i can see how these guys get off it was just a test question to see can i get her to do it she said she’ll feel out of place talking like that to me cuase we didtn start out like that. i wasnt interested anyway i just wanted to see the response. but anyway she just plan wierd no kinda flirty side it seem when we met in person so i moved on i dont like boring females like that. i appreciate your time and everything for answering my questions
No problem Trell, I’m happy to respond.
You mention testing her to see if she complied but it is possible that everything she is doing stems from this testing mindset too. Girls (especially attractive girls) do this ALL the time subconsciously so I would concentrate more on how she acts rather than what she says. It seems you are pretty clued up on the situation in general and fairly relaxed about it all so it’s all good.
Take care,
Sam