I like that door analogy… I haven’t heard that one before!

Yes, the schedule has definitely helped me with being more organised. I actually feel I could write more frequently but I will keep it at once a week for now to compensate for when I have particularly busy weeks and also so the quality doesn’t drop!

Thanks for your comment Elena… I look forward to hearing from you again!

Sam

To be honest, the things I did whilst working behind the bar weren’t drastically different to how I would attract women in real life. I was still playful, funny and interesting, doing things such as playing games across the bar and making personal observations etc (of course I’m in a fulfilling relationship now so I wasn’t doing these things for personal gain; they are simply things I now do naturally after years of practice).

The difference between attracting women in this situation though is due to the predefined setup… I wasn’t a random guy approaching her out of nowhere so there were never any initial barriers to overcome… You can almost jump straight into whatever you want, like you would if you knew them already. The safest and most congruent way in the beginning though is to treat everyone like a friend, using friendly, neutral rapport techniques.

Another great attraction switch in the bar is constantly being busy and having to walk away (but she still knows where you are). This is something not so easily achieved in other situations.

As with most advice related to attracting women, don’t worry too much or try too hard… Simply enjoy learning how to have engaging conversations with women and if you are working behind the bar, you also don’t have to worry about any agenda surrounding the interactions.

Hope that helps,

Sam

As great as that method is for starting to become more comfortable approaching people you would like to meet, this article was specifically about putting yourself in situations where you don’t even have to do the often dreaded approach for now.

As Sheree says though, an enthusiastic and genuine smile is extremely contagious and is also one of the best ways of getting people to warm to you instantly. I think I wrote about this topic too in one of my earlier posts… I don’t have the link to hand but if you use the search box on the right side-panel and search for ‘smile’ it should come up!

Thanks for sharing your wisdom Sheree!

Sam

Yes I quite agree… There are lots of instances where you can get the same effect as the ones I was describing in this article. The reason I predominantly used the barman example was purely because I have recent, personal experience of it and do think it achieves the right balance of having to talk to people and wanting to talk to people.

I agree that lots of jobs build confidence, which is a key component to being more sociable. I think the difference with a job or activity such as barwork though is how informal the relationship with the customer can be… ie: you can talk to them like a friend or acquaintance rather than having to act overly professional or businesslike.

Thanks for your comment… Hopefully everyone else will be able to pick through the bits they liked like you did.

Sam

The age limit to work in a bar here in England is generally 18; I’m not sure about elsewhere. Either way, what I could have emphasised more in the article is that barwork is just one idea of putting yourself in social situations. Joining clubs and including yourself in as many different activities that you can will do much the same thing for you. If it’s specifically a sociable job that you want then try and think of jobs where you will be interacting with other people often (be it colleagues or customers).

I also used to get frustrated when people would say to me “you’re only young, don’t worry about things yet”… In fact I still get it now from some people! The fact is that it doesn’t matter what age you are… if you want to change habits or start doing something specific then it’s always best to start doing what you can as soon as possible!

Oh and I wasn’t referring to anyone specifically when mentioning the e-mails. There have been quite a lot of people e-mailing me about updates but I actually appreciate it… It means I now have a better idea of who my avid readers are and how often you would like, or expect updates!

Thanks for your comment,

Sam

There are so many ways to improve your social skills, I am a Matchmaker and dating expert in Vancouver BC Canada, but the issue is still the same no matter where you live. People have either forgotten or never learned to socialize. I agree about the baby steps, you have to start small.

I always instruct my followers-clients to start by smiling at a minimum of 3 people a day and hold that smile for 3 seconds, as well as their eye contact. Start small, as it can be really hard to smile at someone that you find really hot right away. Smile at anyone, a mom, a child, just practise. Make sure and practise smiling at strangers every day and eventually work up to smiling at someone that you might be realy interested in. But remember not to put any expectations on it. Some people may smile back, some may not, don`t be hurt if they don`t. They may have something on their mind or may not even see you smiling.

What is the worst that can happen, maybe you can start a trend or make their day, maybe they will smile back or even talk to you. It`s like putting out the welcome mat, but just because you put it out does not mean it will be received. Practise, practise, practise, eventually you will find it so easy and so comfortable that you will find yourself doing it all the time. How terrible would that be, if you were just spreading smiles al over town.

Life is short, grab ahold of it, it can all start with a smile. Besides everyone looks wonderful when they are smiling it`s contagious! Be the first to start a trend in your neighbourhood. I would love to hear how it works for you. Have fun and remember one baby step or smile at a time.
Sheree

I only skimmed over this article yesterday but I’m glad I reread today. I’m not sure you should have had so much emphasis on being a bar man as the underlying points you make are actually very good and bar work is not for everyone. In fact thinking through, all the jobs that deal with the public I have done throughout my life I have learnt a great deal of social skills from.

Like I said though, the main points you make in this article are great even if they weren’t obvious to me at first.

Regards,

David

I enjoyed this article and would like to try that out. I need a job anway lol. Problem is that I am only 19 and although my mate says you dont have to be 21 to work in a bar it will be really hard for me to find a cool place. do you have any other suggestions?

I liked the begining of this update. the bit about social skills being something you learn rather than are born with. I know I,m young but it is frustrating sometimes.

Glad youve got updates planned.

Paul