Love is such a complex emotion that it is difficult to quantify on its own, let alone whether it is possible to categorically state if it is unconditional or not.

The sentiment of unconditional love is a nice one but there is a big difference between telling your partner that you will love them forever, and telling them that they can do whatever they want, act however they like and treat you in whatever way and you will still love them!

Having said that, I have seen exposés on women in abusive relationships who claim that the reason they stay with their partner is because they “love them”.

Respectfully setting boundaries is important in both romantic relationships (regardless of love) and just generally when cohabiting with someone, and as such, the act of setting boundaries is actually mutually exclusive from love.

I hope my explanation is clear and thanks for reading,

Sam

You’re right! Relationships are a LOT easier to shape with boundaries in the beginning. Once someone is allowed to not have or give a certain level of respect, then it is a lot harder to change that further down the line. Consequently, you were wise to notice that guy not having respect for your boundaries early on as a red flag. Sometimes these things can be a man’s misconstrued method of flirting or ‘being cool’ but it will be obvious if it is a more concrete part of their personality.

A good sense of self is also a great point and knowing exactly what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated is very important… It’s hard to fully show your respect for someone if you’re not aware of what each other’s personal views of respect are!

I totally agree with your closing point too. It sounds kind of corny but relationships really are just a deep and intimate friendship!

Thanks a lot for writing Elena,

Sam

I think a person needs to have a good sense of self. That’s a big part of respect in a relationship. I also couldn’t agree with you more about honesty. It has been said that the best friendships are really judged by how honest you can be with one another. Since a big part of relationships is friendship, I think that would apply. Well thanks and have a great night.

A humorous quote that I like, which I think was said by Abraham Lincoln: “No person has a good enough memory to be a successful liar!”

Thanks for reading,

Sam x

I look forward to next weeks article!

Eva x

Respect is useful in every form of relationship: from meeting someone of the opposite sex for the first time right up to marriage. The method and intensity does differ slightly between them all though.

The points above are always useful to keep in mind but be aware that respect should be a mutual progression as relationships progress.

There are guys out there who have very little respect for women (verging on misogynistic) who are also very successful with women. This is because attraction doesn’t necessarily involve respect as a dominant factor. These sorts of guys however often find it hard to keep lasting relationships unless they change their mindset along the way.

Basically, respect in the sense I’ve been describing is always ideal to have but it is not as important whilst casual dating as it is when in a long-term relationship.

Hope that explains it,

Sam

I agree with what you say about not expecting other people, namely a partner, to behave perfectly all the time. First and foremost, who’s to say what ‘perfect behaviour’ is! That is why I talk about, as a couple, knowing what each other’s idea of perfect behaviour is and then crafting a joint adaptation of the term as the ideal resolution.

The example you give with your partner being seemingly not bothered about looking smart for you is definitely a tricky situation. As you say, making too much of a big deal of it makes you seem bad or controlling whereas letting it slide completely will do your desires and satisfaction an injustice. That’s why you want to find the right balance between letting him know your feelings in a way without blame whilst at the same time not letting yourself get negatively effected by something that, as you say, is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I love what you say at the end of your comment about how respecting your partner’s wishes and not their demands is important. I recommend couples take the time to really understand what their partner likes and dislikes so that they can CHOOSE how to accommodate these. Doing things for your partner should always be done because YOU want to, not because you feel obliged to.

Thanks for your comment… Some great ideas!

Sam

We have to be careful not to expect people to behave perfectly all the time and there is a fine line between feeling controlled and pleasing you partner.

I have an example with my partner where he was never particularly bothered about how he dressed, common in some men, but it mattered to me and there was a particular incident where he threw on an old work shirt to go out with me and when I commented he said “oh it doesn’t matter we’re only going down the town” and I felt it would have been respectful to me if he had understood my wishes that him making the effort to look smart and make me feel proud of him would show his respect for my feelings. This unnecessarily developed into an argument and I realised afterwards how a trivial thing can make you feel unloved.

On the other hand you could end up, to keep the peace, always telling them what to wear or do which sounds and feels controlling. What I’m really trying to say is respect for the other person’s wishes and not their demands is a very important thing. Like you say Sam that shows mutual respect.