10 ways to earn your partner’s respect
Many relationship gurus harp on about respect in relationships but it is not something that you can have with the flick of a switch… Respect from your partner is something that you earn over time. It is the key to building true friendships and it is also most certainly the key to building a solid, long-lasting relationship! It may take a while to build this solid foundation of respect but it only takes a minute to lose it all so it is useful to have some instructions to keep in mind as the relationship progresses. The following list contains ten ways to earn your partner’s complete respect… 
1.) Have strong boundaries:
In a relationship, you want to clearly identify for yourself how you want to be treated and define what behaviour is acceptable and what is unacceptable early on. You don’t need to be ruthless with your values but the moment you let your partner walk over or manipulate you even once, is when you lose all respect. This should be a mutual setup where you are also willing to respect your partner’s boundaries, even if they differ from yours.
2.) Allow your partner to earn your respect:
As stated in the previous point, respect should be a mutual attribute in a fulfilling relationship. It is actually beneficial to the relationship as a whole to allow your partner to earn your respect too rather than have it unconditionally. Humans are a lot more willing to work at something if they are constantly tested on their sincerity towards it and if it remains slightly challenging. In the case of a relationship, this means that your partner should also know that respect goes both ways and that it requires effort from both of you for it to be fulfilled.
This does not mean that neither you nor your partner should be allowed any leeway regarding inconsequential things, as long as their core intentions are always that of mutual trustworthiness and respect.
3.) Be honest:
Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy in a relationship, regardless of any supposed best interests for your partner. If you’re always one-hundred percent honest, you can’t really go wrong and you should consequently always be trusted.
One of the hardest things for someone to overcome if their partner has been unfaithful in any way is how to trust their partner again, which is a perfectly legitimate feeling.
As long as you are always honest, even with seemingly trivial things then you will always have your partner’s respect in this department.
4.) Be authentic:
Being authentic means being true to your core values, beliefs and aspirations. It is an extremely admirable thing in a partner and is useful on many levels.
Don’t be afraid to disagree with your partner; it’s actually healthy as long as it is done in a respectful manner, calmly and politely.
You also shouldn’t feel the need to change your beliefs, values, sense of humour or bend the truth to either please your partner or win them over. It’s all about having integrity that your partner will respect.
5.) Keep to your word:
A sure-fire way to slowly lose your partner’s respect is to be unreliable or flaky. Even little things such as promising to cook dinner one night and not doing so or standing them up on some arrangements without valid reasons will count against how much respect your partner has for you.
This also works on a much larger scale too regarding long-term goals and ambitions. An authentic and powerful person is resolute towards achieving their ultimate purpose in life and any goals along the way. Refusing to back down in that life quest will gain a wealth of respect from your partner, however successful you are currently.
6.) Give praise when it is deserved:
Make an effort to notice all the positive things that your partner does for you. Being sincerely grateful for these things and praising your partner lavishly will enrich your relationship dramatically. If you limit your most earnest of praise for times when you partner truly deserves it, you will not only help your partner to be their best self but you will also have all their respect and admiration.
7.) You are never overly jealous:
Most people have experienced jealousy at some point in their life so most people can also empathise when their partner is getting jealous. Even so, an authentic person of high self-esteem can either deal with any feelings of jealousy and fully trust their partner, or simply learn not to get jealous where a loved one is concerned.
This is not to be confused with warranted reactions to vindictive behaviour and I have talked about jealousy in greater depth here and here.
8.) Be self-reliant:
Without becoming too preachy here, no one can change your life apart from yourself! People who live their life through their partner or carelessly depend on their partner will start to become a burden on them over time.
Obviously you can ask for favours and advice from your boyfriend or girlfriend just like you would from any other friend but you ultimately don’t need other people’s approval regarding your emotional fragility.
9.) Resist becoming changeable or complacent:
This is something I’ve talked about in previous articles but as relationships progress over time, couples often become complacent or negligent towards the relationship, namely how attractive they should maintain and how much effort in general you make to please and impress your partner.
As long as you don’t make obvious sudden changes in character or ever think “my partner will stay with me no matter what I do” then it will be clear to your partner that you care about how they perceive you.
10.) Be well-rounded:
This last point intends to encompass the majority of the other points because being well-rounded, having an open-mind and looking for solutions in life will always have a positive influence on how much respect you have. As long as you strive to be the best person and ultimately the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be whilst constantly trying to improve on any areas of weakness, you will always have your partner’s respect.
Please feel free to discuss this article or add any other points you think are important in the comments section below…
Much love,
Sam
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I like the article and its message.
We have to be careful not to expect people to behave perfectly all the time and there is a fine line between feeling controlled and pleasing you partner.
I have an example with my partner where he was never particularly bothered about how he dressed, common in some men, but it mattered to me and there was a particular incident where he threw on an old work shirt to go out with me and when I commented he said “oh it doesn’t matter we’re only going down the town” and I felt it would have been respectful to me if he had understood my wishes that him making the effort to look smart and make me feel proud of him would show his respect for my feelings. This unnecessarily developed into an argument and I realised afterwards how a trivial thing can make you feel unloved.
On the other hand you could end up, to keep the peace, always telling them what to wear or do which sounds and feels controlling. What I’m really trying to say is respect for the other person’s wishes and not their demands is a very important thing. Like you say Sam that shows mutual respect.
Hello,
I agree with what you say about not expecting other people, namely a partner, to behave perfectly all the time. First and foremost, who’s to say what ‘perfect behaviour’ is! That is why I talk about, as a couple, knowing what each other’s idea of perfect behaviour is and then crafting a joint adaptation of the term as the ideal resolution.
The example you give with your partner being seemingly not bothered about looking smart for you is definitely a tricky situation. As you say, making too much of a big deal of it makes you seem bad or controlling whereas letting it slide completely will do your desires and satisfaction an injustice. That’s why you want to find the right balance between letting him know your feelings in a way without blame whilst at the same time not letting yourself get negatively effected by something that, as you say, is not that important in the grand scheme of things.
I love what you say at the end of your comment about how respecting your partner’s wishes and not their demands is important. I recommend couples take the time to really understand what their partner likes and dislikes so that they can CHOOSE how to accommodate these. Doing things for your partner should always be done because YOU want to, not because you feel obliged to.
Thanks for your comment… Some great ideas!
Sam
Hey, nice work.
Not in a relationship so wondering if this stuff works for casually dating girls too?
Cheers,
Awesome blog btw!
-Danny
Hey Danny, thanks a lot!
Respect is useful in every form of relationship: from meeting someone of the opposite sex for the first time right up to marriage. The method and intensity does differ slightly between them all though.
The points above are always useful to keep in mind but be aware that respect should be a mutual progression as relationships progress.
There are guys out there who have very little respect for women (verging on misogynistic) who are also very successful with women. This is because attraction doesn’t necessarily involve respect as a dominant factor. These sorts of guys however often find it hard to keep lasting relationships unless they change their mindset along the way.
Basically, respect in the sense I’ve been describing is always ideal to have but it is not as important whilst casual dating as it is when in a long-term relationship.
Hope that explains it,
Sam
This is fab Sam, I agree with every point you make here. I also believe honesty is definitely the key in a relationship, especially for earning respect : )
I look forward to next weeks article!
Eva x
Thanks Eva
A humorous quote that I like, which I think was said by Abraham Lincoln: “No person has a good enough memory to be a successful liar!”
Thanks for reading,
Sam x
These are great pieces of advice Sam. I’ve seen too many people close to me put up with being walked over by a significant other because they didn’t have strong boundaries set up. I had met a guy a few days ago who “liked” me but had no respect for my boundaries. Needless to say, after the fact, it was a huge turnoff. (That other relationship didn’t work out.) Really, reading this post couldn’t have come at a better time. Funny how coincidences work.
I think a person needs to have a good sense of self. That’s a big part of respect in a relationship. I also couldn’t agree with you more about honesty. It has been said that the best friendships are really judged by how honest you can be with one another. Since a big part of relationships is friendship, I think that would apply. Well thanks and have a great night.
Hi Elena,
You’re right! Relationships are a LOT easier to shape with boundaries in the beginning. Once someone is allowed to not have or give a certain level of respect, then it is a lot harder to change that further down the line. Consequently, you were wise to notice that guy not having respect for your boundaries early on as a red flag. Sometimes these things can be a man’s misconstrued method of flirting or ‘being cool’ but it will be obvious if it is a more concrete part of their personality.
A good sense of self is also a great point and knowing exactly what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated is very important… It’s hard to fully show your respect for someone if you’re not aware of what each other’s personal views of respect are!
I totally agree with your closing point too. It sounds kind of corny but relationships really are just a deep and intimate friendship!
Thanks a lot for writing Elena,
Sam
So what about love being unconditional if you bees to set boundries? Just curious because I am confused.
Hi Suzy,
Love is such a complex emotion that it is difficult to quantify on its own, let alone whether it is possible to categorically state if it is unconditional or not.
The sentiment of unconditional love is a nice one but there is a big difference between telling your partner that you will love them forever, and telling them that they can do whatever they want, act however they like and treat you in whatever way and you will still love them!
Having said that, I have seen exposés on women in abusive relationships who claim that the reason they stay with their partner is because they “love them”.
Respectfully setting boundaries is important in both romantic relationships (regardless of love) and just generally when cohabiting with someone, and as such, the act of setting boundaries is actually mutually exclusive from love.
I hope my explanation is clear and thanks for reading,
Sam