Do you have sexual fantasies that you keep to yourself?
Is there a sexual fantasy you have that you really want your girlfriend or boyfriend to try but don’t know how to approach it?
Starting a new sexual relationship is one of the most exciting and exhilarating times but it doesn’t take long for sex with the same person to become monotonous. From the people willing to divulge aspects of their sex-lives it seems it is all too common for relationships that have surpassed the one-year mark (especially ones that have gone far beyond that) to have a sex-life that consists of a predetermined routine, devoid of all the passion, excitement and discovery of the initial period.
This article will talk about ways to get your girlfriend or boyfriend more sexually expressive as well as get them more interested in trying new things in the bedroom (or anywhere else you might have sex)…
Sexual polarity is something that David Deida as well as many other ‘sexperts’ talk about, whereby true sexual fulfilment for a couple requires both a masculine and a feminine counterpart. In more relevant language this means that for ongoing sexual attraction and passion in a relationship, there needs to be one person who is more sexually dominant and one person who plays a more submissive role during sex.
The beauty is that these roles don’t have to be set in stone, they just have to exist. One day it could be the man playing the more dominant role with the female playing a more submissive role. The next day it could be the complete reverse, with the woman playing the more dominant role whilst the man plays a more submissive role.
It surprised me to learn that homosexual relationships also comply with this theory. One of my gay friends at University once decided to indulge our social group with a complete breakdown of the dynamics of a gay sexual relationship. He went on to explain how they also generally have a dominant and a submissive setup, despite the clashing genders.
The time when a sexual relationship becomes monotonous is when this polarity does not exist or is neutral. When this happens you end up with sex that is repetitive and unfulfilling: same night of the week, same positions, same location… Absolutely no spontaneity or evolvement!
So how do you turn things around if you see your relationship heading this way?…
Talk openly to your partner:
A lot of couples, especially early on when the problems this article is addressing start to develop, find talking openly about sexual topics rather taboo or inappropriate, even privately with the person they are intimate with.
My friends and I used to have an interesting conversation piece revolving around how women are often terrible at giving oral sex because they never get bad feedback, mainly because a man would rather receive bad blowjobs than no blowjobs at all. How can you expect your partner to fully satisfy you and be fully sexually expressive if you never tell them what you like and what you dislike!
Learn to talk to your partner about sexual topics without any embarrassment, both during sexual intercourse and during private conversation to find out exactly how you can both improve. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions, try variations and ask for feedback to test certain things.
Utilise your imaginations to discover new things:
One of the most underestimated techniques in bringing out a more sexual side in your partner is helping them use their imagination to positively associate themselves as sexual beings. There are several specific techniques for making new sexual experiences seem real and arousing for your partner: ‘phone sex’ or ‘dirty texts’ are two ways that you can achieve this. A smooth and respectful escalation is imperative in doing these things though. For example, don’t start out with anything too explicit and make sure the other person is always enjoying the escalating visualisations.
Slowly introducing new techniques or fantasies in small parts into your sex-life is by far the best way to warm them to new ideas and make everyone comfortable, even if you have spoken about them before.
Educate your partner:
There are so many misinformed notions surrounding certain sexual practices and sex-education in schools (at least over here in England) does little more than cover the basics of procreation and safe-sex, sometimes even estranging any more modern sexual practices.
Porn is another resource that can actually hinder rather than help a couple’s sexual development as it is made to create a fast impact on a visual audience rather than educate anyone.
The best way to turn around your partner’s negative views towards certain sexual practices is to give them a resource from authority that covers every angle, answers questions and lets them know that you are also fully informed and not wanting to experiment for self-gratifying reasons alone.
If you want some specific recommendations of products for a particular sexual practice then e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and chances are that I have the perfect product to recommend for you.
Never force something on your partner:
Finally, you should never force something on to your partner until they are completely ready and comfortable with being more sexually expressive. The length of time for them to reach that certain level of openness will depend largely on how sheltered their upbringing was regarding sexual topics as well as their own personal experiences with sex.
The worst way by far to try something new is to force, plea or compromise your partner into trying it. If they have verbally agreed but are still not at the correct level of compliance physically, then they will still resist the act, which will severely harm both your enjoyment.
Please let me know what you think of the introduction of more sexual-orientated articles like this to the website, as well as any thoughts and experiences you have on the above topic.