It’s a good sign that the time has ‘flown by’… It means you must be enjoying it!

Thanks for reading,

Sam x

I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 and a half years now, I can’t believe it…that time has flown by!

Eva x

Thankyou very much,

Sam

PS: ‘Eggo Waffles’ look and sound disgusting!!! I can’t comment on taste until you send me a batch…

Chriddy

Yes I also know of people who are unnecessarily argumentative and feel the need to prove their point all the time. Unfortunately, once certain roles in a relationship have been established and accepted, it is a lot harder to change behaviours. Like I said in the article, as long as someone is feeding the ego of someone with those characteristics, they will continue to act in that way.

The ex-partner reference is something I am going to expand on in an upcoming article but you are right… Most people’s minds focus on the BAD aspects of a past relationship and completely disregard the many positive memories. I have nothing but praise for all my past girlfriends as they have all shaped the person I am today in one way or another, as well as having taught me many unique things about different relationships. In the same way that friendship with ex-partners won’t be actively avoided by an enlightened mind, forcing a friendship through feeling some sort of obligation carries the same effect. So what it really equates to is that to feel totally at ease, you don’t HAVE to be friends with all of your ex-partners (people move on and change like you say)… but you must not be enemies with them!

Thanks for your comment Jill,
Sam

You make some great points!

There is definitely a subtle skill in being non-reactive in a non-patronising way. It was actually something I learnt from my older brother when I was growing up, as he has the ability to stay remarkably calm even during the most vicious of arguments. I do recall my sister pointing out that he was occasionally coming across as patronising though, so there is definitely a fine line.

If someone is coming across in a patronising way, then they are not acting ‘non-reactively’ in the correct way, as patronisation comes only through contempt for a situation. Most people know that staying calm is more conductive in an argument than becoming negatively animated but at the time, ANY form of negative emotion (including being patronising as you say) will only insight the other emotions further.

Thanks for your comment,

How long have you been in your relationship out of interest? I notice you’ve commented a few times on this website now and you always have really good insights.

Sam x

This is a great article. It made me think about aspects of my relationship in a different light, especially with regards to arguments. I think you are right that the longer the relationship, the more difficult it is to keep the ego under control. I also agree that arguments become worse by both person’s refusing to back down. Being non-reactive is definately a good way to be, especially for avoiding arguments. Sometimes though, being so calm when your partner is clearly not, can come across as patronising and could even make an argument worse. On the other hand, if in the end, it makes your partner realise that there is no need to act in such a ego-centred manner, such arguments may cease to exist.

Thank you for your interesting insights, I will definately take on board your ideas!

Eva x