Trusting someone who doesn’t have a pristine track record takes a lot of effort and awareness. Note that it is first and foremost the relationship that determines someone’s trustworthiness and not the individual. As the above article states, cheating is circumstantial and rarely premeditated.

To gain a solid level of trust in this instance you want to start by creating a mutual understanding and empathy towards each other’s circumstances. Whilst you should respect your girlfriend’s privacy on things like Facebook, she should also be able to see your point of view. She should be able to share details about other friendships of hers where relevant, not to ease suspicions but because it is a normal thing to do in a respectful and honest relationship.

Getting to this level of mutual understanding will take some tact in how you discuss the issue. You don’t want to come across as insecure or suspicious but you want her to know that you won’t be taken advantage of. Keeping these sorts of discussions positive and solely for the benefit of the relationship as a whole is the tricky part. The important point to convey is that there is a big difference between privacy and secrecy in a relationship. I assume that you would trust your girlfriend having privacy if you weren’t influenced by her tendency towards secrecy.

Try to avoid any blame or criticism and keep things in the perspective of making the relationship as happy and fulfilling as possible. Ultimately, it is both your responsibilities to solve any trust issues: her by respecting your feelings and any cautiousness you might express, and you by giving her the opportunity to be fully trusted once more.

I hope that helps and thanks for writing,

Sam

I agree that most people have predetermined views on these topics, but the truth is that no one outside the relationship knows the true intricacies behind what happened and the extent of the bond you both share. It’s great that you can calmly analyse everything and make a rational decision. The relationship can definitely work once more if you both make the changes required and have the right mindset towards what has happened and how you want the relationship to be from now on.

It sounds like you have discussed and started implementing some of those changes already, so I wish you all the best in both putting the episode behind you and enjoying the relationship as it should have been.

Thanks for writing,

Sam

Trusting someone who has betrayed you in the past is always the most difficult test of trust. The main thing to ensure is that the relationship is actually different than it was when she cheated before. This includes both practical aspects of the relationship and also each of your renewed attitudes.

Your girlfriend having cheated in the past does not necessarily mean she is more likely to cheat again. In fact, sometimes regret and guilt actually makes someone who has cheated less likely to cheat again.

The key is to improve your communication and understanding of each other. This includes mutually knowing what the boundaries of the relationship are. As well as this, the most important thing is to not dwell on the past and to make sure that the relationship is consistently fun and fulfilling now.

If you check out some of the ‘related posts’ just beneath the above article, each one of them discusses your situation in more depth.

Thanks for reading the website,

Sam

Yes, although getting some sort of revenge can feel relieving at the time, it is almost always regretted further down the line. It’s great that you’ve learnt from the situation and who’s to say you can’t rekindle some of the friendships over time.

Thanks for your comment,
Sam