10 ways to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend
In the conclusion to the article ‘The ONLY way to prevent your partner cheating’, I talked about being the best boyfriend or girlfriend possible. Below is a list of ten attributes that can help you be the best boyfriend or girlfriend possible… 
1.) Lead an attractive lifestyle:
An attractive lifestyle is something you should be constantly trying to optimise if you want to live a happy and fulfilling life and the more happy and fulfilling your own life is, the more happy and fulfilling your partner’s will be… Emotions are contagious!
There is a common piece of dating advice that says ‘bring them into your world’ and it definitely carries on into relationships too. Humans are creatures of habit and routine and so there is nothing more exciting than being incorporated into an exciting and new attractive lifestyle.
An attractive lifestyle is made up of many aspects: having a healthy social life with lots of interesting people in it, having exciting hobbies and creating opportunities such as travelling are all wonderful things to be able to include your partner in.
2.) Have ambition:
There aren’t many things more prosaic in a relationship than having a partner who mopes about with no aspirations, passions or goals. One of humankind’s greatest needs is to have a sense of purpose and it is a lot harder to grow and develop yourself if you are with someone who is content being stuck in the same old routine for life.
Even if these ambitions are merely distant dreams and you are currently in a mundane job just to pay the bills, having aspirations and talking about them with passion will inspire your partner and make both of you more likely to achieve them in the long run.
3.) Access to resources:
I’m not talking about being filthy rich here or being able to completely financially support your partner but having a certain degree of independence is important in a relationship so that your partner never sees you as a burden.
Security is the foundation of many relationships and knowing that you will never be out of a home or desirable luxuries is extremely reassuring for your partner.
4.) Have high standards:
I’ve talked many times before about having standards in a relationship in order to keep it healthy; the article ‘How to get through bad patches in a relationship’ is one example where I talked about this.
It seems counter-intuitive to think that your partner would want you to impose these standards on them but it actually says a lot about your character and your commitment to the relationship to always want to keep it as fulfilling as possible. Your partner doesn’t want to become complacent or let their lifestyle deteriorate and it is a lot easier to achieve this if you are always encouraging and inspiring them to be their best self.
5.) Display attractive traits:
This is another common factor that leads to couples becoming complacent and relationships becoming stagnant. Remember the key factors that your partner was attracted to when you first met each other and strive to be the ultimate evolved version of that rather than the antithesis of it.
Confidence is attractive whatever stage of a relationship you are in so always try to display these characteristics. Other attractive traits that keep a relationship fresh are playfully teasing your partner and maintaining a level of unpredictable behaviour, as long as it isn’t harmful.
6.) Make sure your partner is sexually satisfied:
A primary source for the dissolution of long-term relationships in particular is a monotonous or non-existent sex life. If you want to be the best partner you can be then make sure your partner is always being satisfied in terms of sexual expression, which could include things such as sexual fantasies or new sexual experiences.
Allow your partner to open up and talk freely about these subjects with you if you are not sure if you are satisfying them sexually. A lot of people find these topics awkward or embarrassing to talk about in detail but they really shouldn’t be between an intimate couple.
7.) Listen to your partner intently:
Making uninterrupted time for your partner, especially if they are in times of need, is especially important in a relationship.
If you have a busy schedule or if your mind is on other things, then try not to resort to multitasking and giving your partner only a portion of your attention… Find a time later when you are not so busy and you can give them your FULL attention; an act like this does not go unnoticed!
As I predominantly work from home, this is a common occurrence with me. I always make sure if I have neglected Heidi at some point throughout the day that she will have my undivided attention later on, where I can take in every word she is saying with full interest.
8.) Be supportive:
At different times throughout a relationship, each partner will require more or less support from the other. Be it emotional support or simply taking more of an interest in your partner’s activities and own interests, knowing you are there for them will definitely enrich the relationship.
9.) Be thoughtful:
I would say that most people do think about their partners a considerable amount but that does not automatically mean that they are thoughtful.
It’s the little things that count so much in a relationship, especially to women. Remembering something they liked and then surprising them with it at a later date, or making them something creative and memorable both show exceptional thoughtfulness. Basically, doing anything that says to your partner, “I was thinking of you” is wonderful.
10.) Be loving:
The ultimate way to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend is to be loving towards your partner. If all else fails, if you are loving then your partner will know that you truly care. With this, most other relationship problems or obstacles can be overcome or worked through.
That concludes the list of ten ways to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend. If anyone has any other ways to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend that they think should be on the list then please add them in the comments section below.
Much love,
Sam
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Cool list.
Cant think of anything to add.
Cool list.
J
Thanks Jon. I’m glad you think it is concise!
Hi Sam,
A friend recommended your site to me and I have to say I love this list. I have a question though. It is all very well me trying to hit these ten points and I like to think that I already do. However, how do you make sure that your partner is also trying to hit the ten points. I often feel rather disappointed when I feel I am making more of an effort in my relationship than my other half. Should I show him this list or try and be more subtle?
All the best, I think the advice you are giving is great : ).
Jen
Hi Jen,
Thanks, it’s great to have you here. It is also a very good question you have asked.
One person outgrowing their partner or seemingly making more effort than the other is a common reason why someone might get ‘fed up’ in their relationship. It’s not necessarily your partner’s conscious fault that he is becoming complacent and you can definitely inspire partner-development as I like to call it in him yourself.
You could send him this article or another similar resource you think would help if you like but firstly it will be hard to make it seem 100% caring and avoid it coming across as patronising and secondly, people only really change if deep down they really want to themselves anyway!
Humans in general respond very well to good leadership and you continuing to be the best partner possible (and best person possible) will definitely influence his behaviour in a positive way.
There is no quick fix for lasting change if it really does become a problem in your relationship but if you start to slowly impose higher standards on the relationship, he will innately want to live up to them… Complacency is something that is allowed rather than chosen!
Hope that helps and feel free to e-mail me anytime at sam@sparklife.info (my personal e-mail)
Sam
I’m here from Problogger. Your site has useful content. Thanks.
Maybe your call to action could be “related posts” at the end of the post you’ve written. Or give us an assignment related to the content. I know that you’ve already written it all out, but sometimes what makes me actually put it into action is a request. Just a thought.
BTW I added you to my Google reader.
Hi Susan,
That’s a great suggestion about related posts, thanks. I think I now have a big enough archive of articles to make it effective. I’ll get to work implementing it and testing it out. Please do let me know what you think of it when you see it in action in a day or two.
Your assignment suggestion is another great one, thanks. I’ll think about that when writing future articles… I definitely agree that practical advice is more useful than hypothetical advice, which is why I generally only solicit things that I have had personal experience of knowing works in the real world.
Thanks for the add… I’ll be sure to check out your website too.
Sam
11.Voluntarily verbally indicate your respect for and confidence in them.
It really helps self-esteem. “you are a good driver”. “I have confidence you’ll make a good decision.” My husband did not fall into the trap of his making a decision for me (and I would have someone besides myself to blame). Instead he wisely let me know that he had confidence in my ability. (After all, I had picked him to be my husband.) 40 years later I am still married and grateful that he says encouraging things.
12.Share the same basic values.
Mutual trust and faithfulness. Cleanliness, place of God in life, place of family, use and philosophy of money, hard work, careers and children.
I have no doubt that I am cherished and valued and have no fear of being betrayed.
Bah this comment slipped past me… Two great additions to the article though, thanks a lot!
Your first point is great; there’s actually no better way to push someone to be their best self than they way you describe. A lot of couples think that the pleasing aspects of their partner go without saying and it’s the bad aspects that need picking up on… Whereas in actual fact, it is the opposite! Dishing out respect and confidence in your partner’s abilities actually has the psychological effect of them IMPROVING those aspects further as they enjoy the feeling of being respected and appreciated and want to replicate it wherever possible (increases self-esteem as you say).
Your second point is great too; whilst a couple of those issues I believe can be compromised on slightly in a relationship, there are some values (typically called ‘deal-breakers’) that do need to be on a mutual level to really work.
Thanks for your comment and 40 years of marriage is mighty impressive; congratulations! I would love to hear more about how you make it so successful if you ever want to wing me an email.
Sam
what can i do to become a best boyfriend with my partner if all the people around me is against in our relationship? or most special people always say that it’s not for the right time to show our relationship in a public because of fear in the past boyfriend of my girlfriend.
Hey Jonathan,
A lot of people would advise that the only opinion on the relationship that really matters is that of you and your girlfriend, but obviously it is better to not have any negativity from anyone else either. Is it specific people who are against the relationship as you say and are any of their opinions justified? Bad feelings between ex-partners are common and that whole scenario is something that I wouldn’t recommend you get too involved with yourself.
Rebelling against or resenting their opinions isn’t going to achieve much so all you can really do is try and show to everyone around you that the relationship is healthy and genuine, which is also the best way to behave in a relationship anyway. Hopefully these people will come around but if they don’t, then it may be harsh to say but it is their problem not yours, so just concentrate on making your relationship as fulfilling as possible whilst ignoring any external negativity as best you can.
I hope it works out and thanks for writing,
Sam
Thank you for your reply..i just want to hear your advice, in a certain cases of a relationship just like for what example to my girlfriend it is engage although with her past boyfriend, but she runaway bride because of choosing me..what i am to clarify it is correct it’s not a right time to show out relationship? i think 3 months ago suppose to be the wedding..it is enough 3 months to show out relation with his family and friends? because my girlfriend they scared to show it because of her past boyfriend..just a little advice i want to know..
No worries, I’m happy to help!
If I understand the situation correctly, then it does seem like a lot of people will be ‘fragile’ about the situation, especially the ex-boyfriend you are referring to.
It is impossible to say whether three months is enough time for the emotions to have settled as a general rule. It is something you will have to gauge yourself depending on how the boyfriend, friends and family are acting towards each other. I wouldn’t recommend actively hiding your relationship from anyone but at the same time you may have to be considerate to these other people’s feelings (even if you may not respect their actions) and not rub your relationship in anyone’s face whilst they get used to the idea of you two dating.
Hope that clears things up a bit better,
Sam
Hi Sam,
I’m just stopping by to let you know that your advice and steps have worked for my relationship with my girlfriend. We’re both 19 and we’ve been together for 1 year, 6 months, and 15 days. Recently she told me that part of her wants to have the freedom of being single. Which obviosly hurt alot. But she also told me that the other part of her loves me and everything we do together. She was really taken off guard when I suggested that we try new things. Now there’s no arguements or anything related to what she’s said that time that I just told you about. Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Anthony
Hey Anthony,
Thanks a lot; I’m glad you’ve found some of the advice useful!
That’s good going with your relationship… All relationships that continue to grow beyond a year always have something special.
It’s actually a common feeling for women to have niggling doubts at certain points in a relationship (the two year mark is a common one), especially if they haven’t had a great deal of relationship experience previously. However, if you continue to make the relationship fulfilling and happy then she will always want to be in the relationship, which is what it seems you are doing so that’s great!
All the best and thanks for writing,
Sam
hey mhm im not tht sure if this will work believe me ive tried this so many times…..
Hi Alexis,
I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific with which parts you mean for me to understand exactly where you are coming from. The ten points in the article are basic guidelines that will definitely work towards making a relationship more fulfilling. Obviously a lot of the effect is in HOW they are carried out and there are obviously other factors too. The ten points will definitely go some way to having a fulfilling relationship if conducted correctly though.
Thanks for stopping by,
Sam
Thanks for putting these basic guidelines for being, in my opinion, not just a great boy/girlfriend, but a great person as well, out there for the rest of us! Majority of these points are things that I have been trying to practice in my daily interactions with folks for years now. I have found that by my constant strife to become a better person and to keep a positive attitude (regardless of how rotten things may get) does rub off on the people in my life (be it my boyfriend, sister, or someone in line in front of me at the store) and in turn, helps them to be better people as well.
Hey Julie,
You’ve hit the nail on the head there, great analysis! As you’ve noticed, all ten of the points are personal improvements that will improve relationships and interactions with everyone that we meet. It shouldn’t just be our other halves that we’re trying to present ourselves as best we can with. You summed that all up perfectly, thanks a lot for commenting!
Sam
hi,
sam
i really like your points …. thanks for being the part of helping fools like me by such guidence
love thanx alot
take care,,,
Hi,
Thanks for your comments; I appreciate your support and I’m glad you enjoy what I write.
Sam
Hi.
What should I do if the man I love is with my best friend?
-Suzy
Hi Suzy,
That’s a tricky situation and one that is unlikely to have an idealistic outcome. You are either going to lose your best friend, or have to accept that you can’t be with this man. There are specific ways that you can achieve both of these outcomes but thinking of the bigger picture and making that decision first is the priority.
Start by reasoning exactly why you feel you love this man. Do you spend time alone with him or is it in the context of him dating your best friend that you see him? Men that are visibly unobtainable whilst being theoretically obtainable often create attraction this way by default. You will have to be more specific about the situation and how close you all are if you want specific advice but the simple answer comes down to the decision mentioned above.
Thanks for stopping by and feel free to ask if you want more specific advice concerning your situation.
Sam
Suzy, is it your boyfriend who is with your best friend? Or is it your best friend’s boyfriend?
I have been attracted to various men, probably chemically, and chosen to ignore the link I felt for them (during my continuing marriage). It’s called “propinquity” – which means that we are around them enough to think they are neat guys. They talk to us, we talk to them and have something in common. At that point we have to use our heads and recognize the attraction and perhaps not talk to them as much, and be sure we are not sending sexual signals with our body language or words. This would apply to the one who wants to be the friend.
Either way, Sam is right – it’s a tricky situation. A good friend or a good partner needs to be trustworthy. I’ve had both good friends and a good partner that continue over many years. Can you see both of those people as part of your life in the long run? Act accordingly.
[...] for pointers, try 10 Ways to Be the Best Boyfriend or Girlfriend by Sparklife.com, A brief guide on finding the right relationship, keeping a proper perspective and [...]