Comments on: The ONLY reason you should stay in a relationship

By: Nat & Ann

Nat & Ann — Fri, 07 May 2010 20:11:29 +0000

When we first married we were virgins! (that happened in the 60′s) Our wedding night and honeymoon were total disasters, I was so scared and wanted nothing to do with sex or my husband. When I finally simmered down it was 8 months later, Husband was very considerate of my feelings. I found out that my husband didn’t appriecate or really want sex. He only was doing it because were suppose to. That went on for 10 years then we had 2 kids. Husband was forced to work nights, and me during the day that way we didn’t have a baby sitter. We never saw each other except at the front door coming and going. The weekends were terrible trying to do everything at home and control 2 very lively boys. We were dead tired by Monday. Needless to say sex was out of the question and from then on till today theres been no sex. That was 30 years ago. Today I can’t remember what sex was like and husband is taking meds for depression, blood pressure, sleep problems and cholestrol issues. Hes fixed with meds so sex will never happen again.

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:39:27 +0000

I am your same shoes. My boyfriend and I break up all the time but it seems unbearable when we are apart but yet we just continue to get back together, fight over stupid things and then break up..repeat. We never actually broke up for longer than a few hours until now. It has been a week now. We still act like we are dating. It’s definitately a confusing situation so I feel for you.

By: Samuel McCrohan

Samuel McCrohan — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:04:20 +0000

Hi Sonia, thanks a lot!

I agree, happiness is often hard to quantify and getting logical about a relationship such as making a list of pros and cons doesn’t really help at the time. It is often brought about by not being wholly happy in the first place and will only aid in heightening the confusion! All relationships come with their fair share of strain and placid moments but what I was getting at is that personal happiness for a relationship should FAR exceed any negative feelings, on an emotional level not a logical one.

As I’ve said before, breakups often make couples realise how important they actually are to each other. The only hard part is to make sure getting back together is sincere and not simply to avert the feeling of loss.

Thanks for writing… You sound very wise and I hope you write again in the future.

Sam x

By: Sonia

Sonia — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:28:54 +0000

I really like this post, Samuel! It is smart, funny and realistic.
Here is a great deal of common sence.
on the other hand, happiness is relative and a person has a difficulty to deceide if the relationship makes him/her happy: Does that mean that there are more pluses than minuses? Or does it mean that the majority of time you feel content?
I experienced (still am) a relationship with many breakups but we held it somehow together. Split up, both had other relationships, and got together again. It is a nightmare, but we can’t live without each other. Am I happy, are we happy? I don’t know but sometimes a break up seems just like the worse solution, it just makes us both sick.
It may be too late to get out. I’m 30 and talking like 60year old, so I would advise everybody who is thinking that he or she is with the wrong person, to do something until it’s too late to get out.
love to everybody!

By: GarykPatton

GarykPatton — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:20:33 +0000

You know so many interesting infomation. You might be very wise. I like such people. Don’t top writing.

By: Samuel McCrohan

Samuel McCrohan — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:14:48 +0000

Hi,

Thanks!

I just had a look at your site and it looks very insightful. I’ve bookmarked it to have a proper read later but I can already tell I’m going to enjoy reading it.

Let me know how you get on with the rest of the blogging tasks… Joint motivation is always good.

Sam

By: delicate flower

delicate flower — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:29:27 +0000

Hey, found you on the 31days to better blogging.. cool site. I also write about relationships from a slightly different angle.. and i like what you have to say!
I’ll be back and may refer to you in a future blog… once i’ve set up my editorial calendar!
df.

By: Samuel McCrohan

Samuel McCrohan — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:11:11 +0000

Hey Seb,
Every relationship is different and every person is different so there is no set duration for these negative phases. It will normally be fairly obvious whether it is just a phase though, or whether it is related to the relationship as a whole.
If you are going day to day, through a variety of emotions and ALWAYS concluding that you are unhappy with the relationship, then it is probably more than just one thing.
As a complete rough guide though, I would say if you’ve gone a whole week feeling nothing but contempt for your relationship, it is unlikely to change suddenly without considerable effort.
Hope that answers your question.
Sam

By: seb

seb — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:07:03 +0000

nice post. im not in a relationship so it doesnt apply to me but i really enjoyed reading this. one question though. how long should you leave it if youre unhappy before breaking up? incase it is just a “blip”.
seb

By: Samuel McCrohan

Samuel McCrohan — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:28:38 +0000

Hey Charlie,
Linda had some good suggestions. Like she said, it’s about MAKING time for you as a couple, breaking the routine and setting aside quality time together. You can’t FORCE him into having his sex-drive back as it was but you can LEAD him towards it.
There are many specific ways to reignite a sexlife and it is something I plan to cover on this website soon.
Good luck and thanks for posting (Linda too)
Sam x