Comments on: Dealing with arguments in a relationship http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/ Relationship and Dating Advice Fri, 18 May 2012 12:28:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-7010 Samuel McCrohan Thu, 19 Apr 2012 12:22:31 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-7010 I know what you mean. You just have to remind yourself that it is only teasing and that you are in control of how you react. Thanks for using the website and do keep in touch. :) Sam I know what you mean. You just have to remind yourself that it is only teasing and that you are in control of how you react. Thanks for using the website and do keep in touch. :)

Sam

]]> By: JoJo http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-7003 JoJo Wed, 18 Apr 2012 12:43:07 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-7003 Hi sam, I'll try that, but he gets on my nurves when he does things he knows i get annoyed with just to tease me, although he doesnt mean to piss me off just playful teasing. Thanks for the help. Jojo Hi sam,
I’ll try that, but he gets on my nurves when he does things he knows i get annoyed with just to tease me, although he doesnt mean to piss me off just playful teasing.

Thanks for the help.

Jojo

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-6996 Samuel McCrohan Sun, 15 Apr 2012 21:07:35 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-6996 Hi again, I imagine his reaction has a lot to do with how you are expressing yourself to him. His joking initially sounds like an attempt to diffuse the argument. Arguing back when that does not work would be a method for regaining some control and dominance on the subject. Although your boyfriend is in control of how he reacts, there are a few things that you can do to help make those discussions more peaceful and reasonable, long before they become arguments. The first is keeping calm and rational so that an argument is never justified. The second is expressing your opinion as personal feelings without blame. As soon as someone feels “attacked”, it is natural to want to retaliate. I hope that helps, Sam Hi again,

I imagine his reaction has a lot to do with how you are expressing yourself to him. His joking initially sounds like an attempt to diffuse the argument. Arguing back when that does not work would be a method for regaining some control and dominance on the subject.

Although your boyfriend is in control of how he reacts, there are a few things that you can do to help make those discussions more peaceful and reasonable, long before they become arguments. The first is keeping calm and rational so that an argument is never justified. The second is expressing your opinion as personal feelings without blame. As soon as someone feels “attacked”, it is natural to want to retaliate.

I hope that helps,

Sam

]]> By: JoJo http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-6988 JoJo Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:01:23 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-6988 Hi sam, Ther's also another thing that bothers me. Whenever i'm angry at him for something he kinda makes a joke about it or says his oppinion or what he means to say and then i keep on pressing on the matter which then he turns it on me, meaning he gets angry at me then. Most of our arguments he turns it round and be angry at me which i was angry at him first. Why do u think guys do that? (or maybe some of them do) Thanks. Jojo Hi sam,
Ther’s also another thing that bothers me. Whenever i’m angry at him for something he kinda makes a joke about it or says his oppinion or what he means to say and then i keep on pressing on the matter which then he turns it on me, meaning he gets angry at me then. Most of our arguments he turns it round and be angry at me which i was angry at him first. Why do u think guys do that? (or maybe some of them do)

Thanks.
Jojo

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-6984 Samuel McCrohan Fri, 13 Apr 2012 11:10:12 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-6984 Hi Jojo, I agree that hindsight always makes us view arguments differently. As you mention, in the moment the argument itself and getting those feelings off your chest probably seems more important than the bigger picture. Those feelings will obviously affect how everyone reacts at the time. It’s good that you and your boyfriend do eventually discuss whatever issues might be floating around. Dealing with arguments is all about closing the gap between those argument and reflection periods, until ultimately they overlap. This will negate the need for a cooling off period or purposefully not talking to each other. One thing I would say about the computer games example is to make sure that when you agree to spend time together that it is always mutually sincere. As you say, you don’t want your boyfriend to ever feel that you are being controlling or unreasonable. If you let your boyfriend know how it makes you feel when he does go back on that time you agreed to spend together, he should be able to make a more reasoned and honest decision about what he really wants to do at the time. Thanks for commenting, Sam Hi Jojo,

I agree that hindsight always makes us view arguments differently. As you mention, in the moment the argument itself and getting those feelings off your chest probably seems more important than the bigger picture. Those feelings will obviously affect how everyone reacts at the time.

It’s good that you and your boyfriend do eventually discuss whatever issues might be floating around. Dealing with arguments is all about closing the gap between those argument and reflection periods, until ultimately they overlap. This will negate the need for a cooling off period or purposefully not talking to each other.

One thing I would say about the computer games example is to make sure that when you agree to spend time together that it is always mutually sincere. As you say, you don’t want your boyfriend to ever feel that you are being controlling or unreasonable. If you let your boyfriend know how it makes you feel when he does go back on that time you agreed to spend together, he should be able to make a more reasoned and honest decision about what he really wants to do at the time.

Thanks for commenting,

Sam

]]> By: JoJo http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-6974 JoJo Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:38:30 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-6974 Hi everyone, thanks for the info. Usually when me and my boyfriend argue, its always on something small and stupid but at that time it seems important. For example he tells me that he's only gonna do one race on the ps3 grand turismo game then switch it off so that we can spend some time together. Instead he kept accesorising the car, which to me he didnt keep his word and was being selfish. I'm not saying that i wont let him do the things he likes, everyone needs his/her space and some time alone to do his/her hobby, which i let him play on it in the first place but then dont acceed that limit. When there's something bothering us we usually show it by not looking at the other person and not talk to them till the other asks wat's wrong then we spill out our problems. Hi everyone,
thanks for the info. Usually when me and my boyfriend argue, its always on something small and stupid but at that time it seems important. For example he tells me that he’s only gonna do one race on the ps3 grand turismo game then switch it off so that we can spend some time together. Instead he kept accesorising the car, which to me he didnt keep his word and was being selfish. I’m not saying that i wont let him do the things he likes, everyone needs his/her space and some time alone to do his/her hobby, which i let him play on it in the first place but then dont acceed that limit. When there’s something bothering us we usually show it by not looking at the other person and not talk to them till the other asks wat’s wrong then we spill out our problems.

]]> By: KeHoeff http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-1176 KeHoeff Thu, 28 May 2009 23:04:44 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-1176 hey this is a very interesting article! hey this is a very interesting article!

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-285 Samuel McCrohan Sun, 03 May 2009 01:07:06 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-285 Hi, I'm using a custom stylesheet that I created to get it looking as it is (and for all the fonts and layout on the website in fact). You need a basic knowledge of CSS but it's actually quite simple. I think the default filename for the file in question in wordpress is stylesheet.css and you can basically mess around with parts of the code at a time to get it looking how you like. I would only do this if you're confident with what you're editting though... and make sure to keep backups! If you want some extra help with any of it then feel free to e-mail me and I'll point out the specific parts of the code to modify as well as some examples if you would like. :) Sam Hi,

I’m using a custom stylesheet that I created to get it looking as it is (and for all the fonts and layout on the website in fact). You need a basic knowledge of CSS but it’s actually quite simple. I think the default filename for the file in question in wordpress is stylesheet.css and you can basically mess around with parts of the code at a time to get it looking how you like. I would only do this if you’re confident with what you’re editting though… and make sure to keep backups!

If you want some extra help with any of it then feel free to e-mail me and I’ll point out the specific parts of the code to modify as well as some examples if you would like. :)

Sam

]]> By: Mario http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-284 Mario Sun, 03 May 2009 01:00:43 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-284 @Samual, you'll finde it on the sneezepage ;-) @Samual, you’ll finde it on the sneezepage ;-)

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/04/dealing-arguments-relationship/#comment-283 Samuel McCrohan Sun, 03 May 2009 00:57:55 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=236#comment-283 Awesome, I'll check out your video! I'm a big fan of the Cage... especially 'Face Off'! Nice pun for your post by the way. :) Sam Awesome, I’ll check out your video! I’m a big fan of the Cage… especially ‘Face Off’!
Nice pun for your post by the way. :)
Sam

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