There are specific structures you can use for writing text messages but it is more important to simply ask “what will this text achieve?” before sending each one. The answer to that question will differ depending on how far the relationship has developed so far. Remember to always progress the interactions and the relationship as a whole.

A text message can be something to spike attraction, make her smile and get her thinking about you. It can also be used to test her level of compliance or comfort (seeing how she responds to a sexually teasing text for example). It sounds like you are already doing both of those, so the only thing to ensure is that you don’t overdo it… Keep her wanting more!

A lot of people text just for the sake of it, or simply to prolong or force the conversation. If you have already arranged to meet up then only use the texting in moderation to get her excited about meeting up. You don’t need to continually have something clever to say. Keep any questions as light, funny and with a judged amount of sexual suggestion and save any deep or meaningful questions for when you see each other in person.

Thanks for reading,

Sam

I’ve been texting this girl back and forth and we started out right off the bat, flirting and even getting into the more graphic details, even sending a couple of pics but, the only question I have is…there must be a framework, I feel like I am starting to run out of clever things to say, and advancing the relationship…I feel like I’m losing the interest, what kind of questions can I ask to reignite the fire, because I got all sorts of text messages telling me all of the dirty things she wants to do to me, and what not, and we’re probably meeting up tomorrow, so, I need something like a checklist I can follow before I send every text, and that way, close the deal..

Cheers,

Mike

This sort of scenario is extremely common in relationships and in fact six months is a common waypoint for it to occur.

As a relationship progresses, it is common for either or both people in the relationship to become subconsciously complacent. It could be the case that as your boyfriend has become more comfortable and secure in the relationship, he feels less of a need to continually do things to attract or impress you.

As I mentioned, this is usually a subconscious development and therefore does not necessarily dictate a change in his actual feelings, like you said. In other words, if your boyfriend genuinely thought he might lose you, he would probably amp up the affection and flirting once more. This isn’t to say that you should convey in any way that he might lose you, but is worth thinking about so you can work out how any changes really came about.

Verbalising to your boyfriend that you love it when he’s affectionate and flirty with you could work, depending on his personality and mood at the time. As you say, you don’t want to come across as critical, so if you do decide to be direct, make sure you focus on things you would like him to do, rather than things you want him to stop doing!

The fact that you say he has acted in this affectionate and flirty way in the past means that you can very easily encourage the same behaviour again by taking the lead. Think back to the sort of interactions you are reminiscing and think how you could get a similar variation of rapport going again.

One idea could be to send role-play style text messages and get him to play along. Heidi and I do this every now and again, as it is one way to remind us not to let the relationship become too serious or boring.

There are obviously loads of other ideas that would have a similar effect, but the main thing is to give him a REASON to be affectionate and flirty with you and then I’m sure he will naturally adapt.

Thanks for writing,

Sam

I appreciate what you are saying but it simply isn’t that easy for a lot of guys. I get a countless number of e-mails from students every week purporting text-related problems that are so trivial to the actual bonding of two people but have ruined potentially fulfilling relationships.

There are so many counter-productive things that guys and girls do with the aim of creating attraction and rapport, mainly as a direct result of social conditioning and more specifically the whole pursuer/prize agenda of dating. Texting is a sad way for a relationship to be halted, before it’s even been given a chance.

I always advocate acting genuinely and with integrity but simply put, a lot of guys haven’t been taught the best ways to convey their personalities to attract a woman and this goes for texting too. To be honest I could have had just one tip to trump this whole article… ‘Get the person you like on the phone and arrange a meet-up in real life’ and this is what the article was leading towards, in a way that would be easy for someone whom texting is not too far outside their comfort zone, whereas other methods would be.

Thanks for your comment… I like women with strong opinions!

Sam x

Of course this is simply my opinion and we can see through Heidi’s post that there are some girls who do not agree with me, but through my experience talking to girl friends this is the main consensus!

P.S He didn’t however, serenade me on his knees with “Under the Sea!” so extra points were definately lost there xx