Text message flirting guidelines
A common request that I get is for help and guidance on texting a new potential suitor. Usually I receive this request from guys, as girls will more readily ask their friends for advice, but occasionally I get this request from a girl. Sometimes I flat-out get asked to write a text from scratch for someone, although I will explain why this wouldn’t really benefit you shortly.
Due to this demand, I have decided to compile a list of general guidelines for texting someone you have recently met and acquired the phone number of. These guidelines are most relevant for the beginning stages of dating. After knowing someone for a while and getting past the initial pressure of texting someone new, you won’t have to worry about these concepts, although they are still useful to keep in mind when texting in a relationship… 
First thoughts are usually the best:
Have you ever sat there staring at your phone, agonising over what to write, modifying your drafts hundreds of times, asking around your close friends for creative input and then agonising some more before finally sending something similar to what you had in the first place? More often than not, what you immediately think of when creating or replying to a text message is the best. Over-analysis is the killer of creative flow!
Further on from this point, LESS thought is generally better. An attractive person will be a BUSY person and hence they will send texts whilst on the move or just before heading off to do something. Sending a message quickly with your first bout of ideas has two benefits: it portrays this fact that you have a busy lifestyle in the way you have written the message and it also prevents your mind from having enough time to concern yourself with whether what you wrote was the best possible message, or whether the other person will reply!
Keep it short:
One of the biggest turnoffs in dating, whether you are male or female, is someone being NEEDY. Nothing displays neediness more than a big long essay of a text message that clearly took considerable time to compose. Keep your message as short as possible whilst still saying what you want to say.
Amount and frequency:
A good rule of thumb for both the amount you should text and the frequency of those texts is to do roughly what the person you are text flirting with is doing. By that I mean, if they are taking five or six hours to reply to each text, you generally want to be hitting the same frequency. Obviously don’t be ruthless with this if a quicker response seems reasonable but resist the urge to get excited at a text message and respond in an instant.
This does not contradict my earlier point of replying with your first thoughts; read the text message, put your phone away and then reply from scratch when you WANT to. If however, you are yourself receiving immediate replies, consider making them wait a bit for your next message. Nothing builds tension and intrigue more than them WAITING for your reply… You will be on their mind all day!
Keep the interaction exciting:
Nothing will kill interest more than a dull and prolonged text exchange. Yes you will be building rapport by doing this but text is not the best way to achieve this; you want to be doing that in person. Make sure every message you send is exciting and interesting… You want them to be smiling and giggling when they receive your message!
If you are being asked in-depth rapport style questions then make them wait until they meet you to find out more and handle the question with a cocky and funny response in the meantime. They are only asking these types of questions in the first place to ensure the interaction continues and to make sure you know they are interested.
Text messages are one of the easiest forms of communication to take out of context, so don’t take everything literally and don’t jump to any conclusions about anything they have written.
Make sure the interaction is always progressing:
Despite being an easy and quick way to flirt with someone, texting can only get you so far. What you really want to be doing is leading up to a phone call or an in-person meet-up.
An easy way to progress to meeting in real life is to casually introduce the prospect, once again in a fun and flirty way. I’ll give an example, which I’m pretty sure is something similar to what I sent my girlfriend two years ago to suggest we meet up for the first time properly (she can tell us all if that’s true):
“Hey. [response to their last message]. Well I think I’ve finally assured myself that you’re not a boogieman so I’ll let you come and hang out with me sometime next week. What’s your schedule like?”
There are several other points I get asked about, such as whether to text or call and how to introduce call-back humour. For now though, keep in mind that you should never worry or over-analyse something as trivial as a text message and remember that whatever you’re texting… if they are replying… they ARE interested.
Much love,
Sam
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i know what ya mean bout not texting too much. i’ve got this girl who texts me like everyday asking what i’m up to. sometimes just that. what would be the best response to that? thanks.
dave
And she responded to that text???
So I’ve got this regular from the coffee shop who hijacked my number and now texts me constantly. How do I politely say that the only reason I’m nice to him while serving him coffee is because I’m paiiiiid to be nice? Hmm.
Hey Dave, quite a desireable problem ai!
Like I mentioned in the article, a girl will text you things like that purely because she is interested in you. I’ve had girls text like this in the past and without being overly harsh, it’s often because they can’t think of anything more imaginative to keep the conversation flowing.
On a more practical note, make sure your life is busy and interesting so you’ll always genuinely have something to reply to that question with. If you haven’t yet and want to meet up with this girl though, it also seems the time is definitely now.
Good luck and thanks for your comment,
Sam
Hey Clinton,
I guess she did… else I’ve been dating an imaginary woman for two years! :O
Ah my dear Christy,
If you don’t actually want to tell him you’re not interested, I guess the only way to give him the message is to not reply to his texts. A bit of Christy-spit in his coffee might work too… actually, he might like that! 
I’m interested as to how a customer ‘hijacks’ one’s number! I’m shocked you’re only nice because you’re paid to be anyway… I hope that’s not the reason you’re oh so nice to me!!
xxx
I certainly did reply to Sam’s witty message (as they frequently are, even now after two years of being together!) and I definitely would say I made a good decision in doing so : )
The point that sparked the most interest for me is the amount and frequency of texting. When I first met Sam I was so used to texting back and fourth with my friends many times throughout the day, and I would try and reply almost instantly to any message I was sent. I therefore found it very difficult when I realised Sam would take a painstakingly long time to reply to my messages. Even though I found this hard and would have to restrain myself from not texting back too soon, I found the unknown exciting. When I eventually did receive a message from him, they would always make me smile : ) I loved challenge of thinking about an equally good reply…although mine rarely were!
Another point I would like to add is the use of language in a text. I would previously write all my texts in shorthand, which I believe many people did and still do. I have changed this habit however and now write full sentences and use correct English grammar. The main reason for this is so that texts are legible and cannot be misinterpreted. What do you think about this Sam?
Aww you’re such a sweetie!
Your texts always make me smile too! 
xxx
It’s funny you’ve mentioned the grammar and spelling point, as it was in my extended notes, that I cut out of the final article. I think it is largely a personal thing (which is why I didn’t include it) but to me it does convey a certain level of intelligence to write correctly whilst on the other hand, text abbreviations convey a certain lack of intelligence (although it’s not necessarily true).
Thankyou for your contribution babycakes,
Sam I’m very impressed with all the advice and I do definately agree with the majority of the points made. I did however, take a completely different approach and remember saying to my boyfriend of now three years at the point of number exchange, “Don’t take hours responding to my texts if you like me because if you like me you’ll text and if you don’t you wont, the space inbetween doesnt bother me!” It may sound to the point but I thought I was quite tactful and said it in a funny way and it seemed to work as we were frantically texting and meeting up practically every day over the summer, it was so exciting and I wasn’t any less thrilled by the fast pace but all the more excited as they were all cheeky and very funny texts (yes im hilairious)
I guess every situation is different and I think the fast pace only worked because the texts were more exciting than needy, I just felt like we wanted each other more and we didnt let the rules get in the way
P.S He didn’t however, serenade me on his knees with “Under the Sea!” so extra points were definately lost there xx
Hey Christina,
, it seems he was equally keen and excited with the many texts and seeing each other lots. You hit the nail on the head when you said that it was all exciting rather than needy. How did you guys meet out of interest?
haha never underestimate the power of Sebastian the Crab (despite the fact he’s a lobster)!!
That’s a great point. I presume it worked so well because it was mutual. Although you had laid down the Christina law
Thanks for your comment my dear and I hope you like the website,
Sam
Hello!
Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language
See you!
Your, Raiul Baztepo
Hi Raiul,
Thanks for your reply… I’m glad you liked the article.
Your English seems pretty good to me.
Take care,
Sam
Hello Sam,
I have to say a lot of this article really infuriated me!
When it comes to sending text messages I think you are thinking about it way too much.
Let me tell inquisitive daters reading this – for goodness sake, if you want to text someone just text them! Don’t play games! If you wait six hours or so every time you send a text, in my view, you’re just showing that you’re either too inconsiderate or lazy to make time to reply or you don’t really like the person you are texting all that much.
If you want to text back immediately and frequently then just do it. If you don’t then you’ll just be hiding your true personality traits. If the receiver of the texts finds this annoying then this is a good hint that a relationship will not work – you don’t work in the same way. The same applies if you usually take a long time replying to texts simply because you are busy – if the receiver can’t cope with your hectic lifestyle then a relationship with them would not work.
Of course this is simply my opinion and we can see through Heidi’s post that there are some girls who do not agree with me, but through my experience talking to girl friends this is the main consensus!
Hey Analeese,
I appreciate what you are saying but it simply isn’t that easy for a lot of guys. I get a countless number of e-mails from students every week purporting text-related problems that are so trivial to the actual bonding of two people but have ruined potentially fulfilling relationships.
There are so many counter-productive things that guys and girls do with the aim of creating attraction and rapport, mainly as a direct result of social conditioning and more specifically the whole pursuer/prize agenda of dating. Texting is a sad way for a relationship to be halted, before it’s even been given a chance.
I always advocate acting genuinely and with integrity but simply put, a lot of guys haven’t been taught the best ways to convey their personalities to attract a woman and this goes for texting too. To be honest I could have had just one tip to trump this whole article… ‘Get the person you like on the phone and arrange a meet-up in real life’ and this is what the article was leading towards, in a way that would be easy for someone whom texting is not too far outside their comfort zone, whereas other methods would be.
Thanks for your comment… I like women with strong opinions!
Sam x