Comments on: The ONLY way to prevent your partner cheating http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/ Relationship and Dating Advice Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:49:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-1419 Samuel McCrohan Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:08:58 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-1419 Hi, This is a really interesting scenario and I actually bought a fascinating book called ‘Understanding Dreams’ by Nerys Dee last year to better understand myself what our dreams mean in reality. To some degree our unconscious sleep patterns are influenced by our worries and desires but in your example, I would take it with a large pinch of salt. Even if it was a specific guy she was dreaming about, dreams are far too vague to take literally and that particular dream could have a magnitude of different causes. The only time you have to worry is when an unconscious thought (or a dream) steps over into CONSCIOUS thought and you start to recognise that she is actually having some of these desires for real. The fact that she even told you about this dream strengthens the fact that you should casually laugh this off. :) Thanks for the comment, Sam Hi,

This is a really interesting scenario and I actually bought a fascinating book called ‘Understanding Dreams’ by Nerys Dee last year to better understand myself what our dreams mean in reality.

To some degree our unconscious sleep patterns are influenced by our worries and desires but in your example, I would take it with a large pinch of salt. Even if it was a specific guy she was dreaming about, dreams are far too vague to take literally and that particular dream could have a magnitude of different causes.

The only time you have to worry is when an unconscious thought (or a dream) steps over into CONSCIOUS thought and you start to recognise that she is actually having some of these desires for real. The fact that she even told you about this dream strengthens the fact that you should casually laugh this off. :)

Thanks for the comment,
Sam

]]> By: bigbear http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-1354 bigbear Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:35:35 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-1354 My girlfriend had a dream she was mouthkissing a guy? How should I react? I was schocked when she told me. My girlfriend had a dream she was mouthkissing a guy? How should I react?
I was schocked when she told me.

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-1230 Samuel McCrohan Sat, 30 May 2009 17:32:27 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-1230 Hey Candice, thanks for writing. I can imagine it must have been tough finding out something like that when you were pregnant. I know it is easier said than done but if you have decided to stay in a relationship with this guy then it is imperative that you truly forgive him. As you say, as long as you hold resentment against him, it is always going to crop up in arguments. There are many reasons why he may have cheated in the first place and none of those reasons particularly matter anymore. The fact that everything is now out in the open and he WANTS to be with you should allow you both to put the situation behind you. Having a child together is a huge bonding experience in itself but the issue of trusting him again does predominantly lie with you. If you felt you had the perfect relationship before then you can most certainly get back to that state with a bit of cognitive reconditioning. Try to focus on those positive emotions whenever the anger regarding the infidelity starts to surface again. Another article that might be useful to read can be found at the following link but please don’t hesitate to write again if you want any further resources or advice: http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/05/cheating-partner-matter/ Sam x Hey Candice, thanks for writing.

I can imagine it must have been tough finding out something like that when you were pregnant. I know it is easier said than done but if you have decided to stay in a relationship with this guy then it is imperative that you truly forgive him. As you say, as long as you hold resentment against him, it is always going to crop up in arguments.

There are many reasons why he may have cheated in the first place and none of those reasons particularly matter anymore. The fact that everything is now out in the open and he WANTS to be with you should allow you both to put the situation behind you. Having a child together is a huge bonding experience in itself but the issue of trusting him again does predominantly lie with you.

If you felt you had the perfect relationship before then you can most certainly get back to that state with a bit of cognitive reconditioning. Try to focus on those positive emotions whenever the anger regarding the infidelity starts to surface again.

Another article that might be useful to read can be found at the following link but please don’t hesitate to write again if you want any further resources or advice:

http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/05/cheating-partner-matter/

Sam x

]]> By: Candice http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-1188 Candice Fri, 29 May 2009 08:14:18 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-1188 hi Sam my fiancee cheated on me for 2 years & i found out wen i was 5 months pregnant..that is last year(2008) june..i cant seem to forgive him..we had the perfect relationship...so it seemed at the time..he broke up with the girl he dated...and hes realy trying to gain back my trust but am the one holding back...everytime we ague the issue comes up again and again..its realy bad. i need help because we have been together for 6 years & we have a beautiful little gal who is 6 months now..i dont want to loose him & this relationship pliz help me Sam hi Sam
my fiancee cheated on me for 2 years & i found out wen i was 5 months pregnant..that is last year(2008) june..i cant seem to forgive him..we had the perfect relationship…so it seemed at the time..he broke up with the girl he dated…and hes realy trying to gain back my trust but am the one holding back…everytime we ague the issue comes up again and again..its realy bad.

i need help because we have been together for 6 years & we have a beautiful little gal who is 6 months now..i dont want to loose him & this relationship
pliz help me Sam

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-613 Samuel McCrohan Mon, 11 May 2009 23:04:23 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-613 Thanks John, glad you liked it :) Sam Thanks John, glad you liked it :)
Sam

]]> By: Johnsmith http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-351 Johnsmith Tue, 05 May 2009 00:06:00 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-351 nice! helped me a lot nice! helped me a lot

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-73 Samuel McCrohan Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:58:46 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-73 Hi Flo, I wouldn't say it's none of your business but it does come down to either you trust this person or you don't. If you don't, well then that's something completely separate for you to work on but if you do then any over-analysing of things he does is only going to sabotage your happiness in the relationship. Even the most faithful partner will have things (e-mails or messages from the opposite sex etc) that when taken out of context can make them seem deceitful. You probably do want to talk over some of these feelings with your partner but as I mentioned in the above article, be wary of accusing him of things without any viable proof. Thanks for your comment and please keep in touch. :) Sam x Hi Flo,
I wouldn’t say it’s none of your business but it does come down to either you trust this person or you don’t. If you don’t, well then that’s something completely separate for you to work on but if you do then any over-analysing of things he does is only going to sabotage your happiness in the relationship. Even the most faithful partner will have things (e-mails or messages from the opposite sex etc) that when taken out of context can make them seem deceitful.
You probably do want to talk over some of these feelings with your partner but as I mentioned in the above article, be wary of accusing him of things without any viable proof.
Thanks for your comment and please keep in touch. :)
Sam x

]]> By: flo http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-71 flo Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:06:12 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-71 All these points have been so insightful to me. I'm going through a hellish time as I was cheated on before but I have also cheated in the past. With the man of my dreams now (or so I thought)and I have raked and found things I shouldnt have seen like dating website member ship which he denied, messages from other women "still saying miss you sexy" but he is denying anything is going on. Opended a secret email account to do god knows what on weith these women he's in touch with but I am the one who has issues and its none of my business. Honesty is the best policy and if anyone cheats they think nothing of their partner if they continue the relationship. I'm being made a big fool of but sometimes people cant just leave. All these points have been so insightful to me. I’m going through a hellish time as I was cheated on before but I have also cheated in the past. With the man of my dreams now (or so I thought)and I have raked and found things I shouldnt have seen like dating website member ship which he denied, messages from other women “still saying miss you sexy” but he is denying anything is going on. Opended a secret email account to do god knows what on weith these women he’s in touch with but I am the one who has issues and its none of my business.
Honesty is the best policy and if anyone cheats they think nothing of their partner if they continue the relationship.
I’m being made a big fool of but sometimes people cant just leave.

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-26 Samuel McCrohan Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:57:10 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-26 Hi guys, Thanks for your insights Eva. I like what you said at the end about 'making you a stronger person if you had to deal with something like that'. So many people wallow far too long over a relationship hiccup rather than using it to grow effectively. I just got added on Twitter by someone who has a 'get your ex back' style website, dedicated solely to getting your ex back. Whilst I admire that they are trying to help people at a sensitive time, actively getting an ex back (where things obviously weren't working) is generally counter-productive to relationship happiness. hmm ok this wasn't specifically relevant to your point but I've just been thinking about it. :) Thanks for your comment too Miranda. Great points. It's a nice ideal to think everyone can be perfect but you're right, people do deserve some leeway for some genuine mistakes. I think it's often when someone knows or thinks their partner will irrationally fly off the handle that they hold back information. If you have trust in your partner to react in a rational way to anything you tell them, then you're right... Honesty definitely is the best answer. :) Sam Hi guys,
Thanks for your insights Eva. I like what you said at the end about ‘making you a stronger person if you had to deal with something like that’. So many people wallow far too long over a relationship hiccup rather than using it to grow effectively. I just got added on Twitter by someone who has a ‘get your ex back’ style website, dedicated solely to getting your ex back. Whilst I admire that they are trying to help people at a sensitive time, actively getting an ex back (where things obviously weren’t working) is generally counter-productive to relationship happiness. hmm ok this wasn’t specifically relevant to your point but I’ve just been thinking about it. :)
Thanks for your comment too Miranda. Great points. It’s a nice ideal to think everyone can be perfect but you’re right, people do deserve some leeway for some genuine mistakes. I think it’s often when someone knows or thinks their partner will irrationally fly off the handle that they hold back information. If you have trust in your partner to react in a rational way to anything you tell them, then you’re right… Honesty definitely is the best answer. :)
Sam

]]> By: Miranda Bailey http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/prevent-partner-cheating/#comment-25 Miranda Bailey Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:13:07 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=106#comment-25 Honestly, honesty is always the best answer :) Life isn't perfect though. People make mistakes and everyone deserves to know if they have been cheated on so that they can make an informed decision about their future. But every situation is different, so who knows. I want to know what you think too. Spill. Honestly, honesty is always the best answer :) Life isn’t perfect though. People make mistakes and everyone deserves to know if they have been cheated on so that they can make an informed decision about their future. But every situation is different, so who knows.

I want to know what you think too.
Spill.

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