Being cheated on, or the FEAR of being cheated on is one of the primary crutches in a relationship, and ultimately destroys a number of them. I personally have never cheated on a girlfriend and to the best of my knowledge, have never been cheated on either… but that’s not to say that the irrational fear of someday being cheated on occasionally crops up with me too.
First I am going to list a couple of instinctual techniques that both men and women frequently use as clear tactics to settle these fears of cheating. I will explain why each one is not the best course of action and then reveal to you the ONLY way you can prevent your partner cheating on you…
First, what to try and avoid doing…
Keeping tabs on your partner:
This is a really common one. I remember a few years back when I was out with some old friends for a ‘lad’s night out’. Obviously, any girlfriends were politely not invited and all was set for an epic, fun night in our favourite nightspots. One of my friends (who I shall call John for the sake of privacy) was a confident and intelligent guy, who had acquired himself a seemingly lovely girlfriend and they were now in their first year of living together.
Well, an hour in to our night on the town, with the drinks already flowing faster than a drunken man urinating behind a police station, John tries to subtly function his phone under the table. This obviously does not go unnoticed amongst a tipsy and boisterous group of men. After a few demands that John reveals the bearer of his trans-communication attention and a few sarcastic jokes that he’s ‘under the thumb’ with his missis, John sheepishly shows us the rather blunt text message; “Where are you? Who are you with? You better be thinking of me at home”. After a quick-fire evolvement to the previous under the thumb jokes, everyone got back to the night, drinking and laughing jovially, dismissing John’s possessive enquiry.
Well as the night went on, it seemed every thirty minutes at most John was dashing off to answer his phone or replying to a barrage of texts from home. Every time I got a chance to ask him what’s up, he would reply “ah, it’s just the missis checking up on me”.
The point of this story is to highlight the difference between taking an interest in your partner’s life and keeping tabs on them. This story, although an exaggerated version, occurs not just with one or two of my coupled friends, but with the MAJORITY of ones with a girlfriend or boyfriend that has even the slightest degree of insecurities. Everyone knows that a key element to a healthy relationship is trust, so try to live by it. If you find yourself in a similar position, about to fire off a probing text or the equivalent, take a moment to rephrase it in a way that portrays genuine interest rather than suspicion.
Acting weird, jealous or overbearing when your partner mentions someone of the opposite sex:
I have to confess that this is something I have been guilty of in the past and although I even now sometimes get these feelings when my girlfriend talks enthusiastically about another guy, it only takes me a few moments to rationalise it as non-threatening. If this really is an issue for you, take note of HOW your partner brings up these other people: is it essential to the natural conversations of their life, or are they actually holding back more sinister details; it will normally be fairly obvious if they are but don’t be hasty with accusations.
If your partner is mentioning someone else, even if it seems constant, 99% of the time you have nothing to worry about. The times you genuinely have to worry is when they are actively NOT telling you about the other people they are seeing, skipping over important details to what they have been doing, or you inadvertently find out some sinister information from a third-party.
Accusing your partner of cheating without any viable proof:
This is probably the best way to actually PUSH your partner into cheating. Accusing them of cheating without any viable proof displays the ultimate lack of trust and illustrates what you really think of them. Contempt for trust is one of the two reasons why someone would actively cheat on their partner. If you really suspect they are cheating, dig a little deeper without doing anything detrimental to the relationship before even THINKING of confronting your partner.
I had a friend a number of years ago who somehow got access to his girlfriend’s e-mail and was checking it almost daily to try and discover proof of her infidelity. Well all this suspicion was no doubt crossing over in to how he treated and communicated with her in real life until she actually ended up cheating on him! As fate would have it, he found out via her e-mail and was actually OVERJOYYED that he now had proof and could confirm his distrust. Whilst on this example, simply checking your partner’s e-mail or phone or anything else also shows a distinct lack of trust and contempt for their privacy and if you ever find yourself doing this, you should ask yourself why you feel the need to!
Trying to make your partner jealous to ‘get one over’ on them:
This is something I witness time and time again, often between couples in high-pressure social situations where alcohol can also be a factor. Whilst mild jealousy is a well-recognised technique in creating attraction with someone new of the opposite sex, in a long-term relationship it is simply disrespectful!
I actually think harmless flirting with other people is a healthy thing even when you’re in a relationship, as it keeps your personality fresh and attractive. You must obey the boundaries of what is too much though, whilst also respecting your partner’s feelings.
Not letting go of the past:
Ok, so it may be likely that you have been cheated on in the past… but remember that it is the PAST and it has no influence on whether your current partner will treat you the same way, unless you make it so!
Deal with your own trust issues first before transposing them to your partner.
And now for the only way to prevent your partner from cheating…
The ONLY way to prevent your partner from cheating:
Be the best option available!
It sounds simple but as long as you are actively trying to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be, your partner will always want to be with you. As long as you are wholeheartedly trying to fulfil all of your partner’s physical, emotional and growth needs, they will never want or need to look elsewhere.
Not only do you want to strive to be the best option available, you want to BELIEVE it too. Try to avoid becoming arrogant though or degrade other suitors. When you actually believe you are the best boyfriend or girlfriend, you won’t actually see other people as competition and therefore you will never get jealous.
In a follow-up post I will detail exactly how you ensure you are the best option available… there are ten key factors.