Dispelling male myths about dating – part 2

This is the second part in the series ‘Dispelling male myths about dating’. The first part can be found HERE.

“Just be yourself”:

This is the killer, usually given by women who have got to know you, bypassed all the crummy social conditioning and realised that you are a nice guy underneath (but not one that they would sleep with). Else it is given by guys who had useful male role-models when they were developing (a confident father for example) and have always been confident and good with women (they haven’t actually broken down what it is exactly that gets them the girls though). If just ‘being yourself’ has not worked in the past, what makes you think that it would work now? My advice to this is obviously not to try and be someone you’re not and hide your core values and personality (although modelling the people you admire works wonders in the short term), but to practice becoming the person you WANT to be and then be that new self, your BEST self, one that has all the limiting beliefs and negative thoughts stripped away.

“I tried to chat her up at a club but she was a bitch”:

No she wasn’t, you just chatted her up badly! She’s most likely a nice, normal girl who likes shopping and watching Neighbours like the rest of them and had you met her at work, she’d be your best friend by now. Tonight thought (like most big nights), she has had guys coming up to her all night, mostly drunken, asking her the same boring questions and throwing out clichéd lines… She predicted you were the same. I remember asking a good female friend of mine how many times she gets approached in any given night (she is a model as a side note) and she said upwards of twenty times. She’s 25 years old and goes out several times a week… You don’t have to be a genius at maths to know that she’s had to be ‘a bitch’ to a LOT of guys during her adult life, so that she actually gets a minute to herself. Had you approached her with something unique, funny and interesting, in a confident manner, do you really think she would be so rude? In the club environment, women have to create shields so, like I say, they actually get a second to themselves!

“Men have to make all the moves”:

Sadly, this one has to be regarded as it is something that has been imbedded in to social psychology since the dawn of time, when men hunted for food whilst the women stayed at home and looked after the dwelling. Further on from this, women continue to get terrible dating advice from magazines. If you’ve ever read anything like ‘J-17′, ‘Cosmopolitan’ or ‘More’, the way they portray males and the advice they give to get them is laughable.

Basically, if you are a man you should accept that you will have to more often than not make all the moves at first but there are also several ways in which you can flip the tables slightly. What I like to do at every opportunity is give women a reason to chase me, vie for my attention and prove they are up to MY standards… All this should be done in an extremely benevolent way of course.

“Rejection is too much to handle”:

This is a common one I get from my students, which is usually used as an excuse not to take any action towards a better dating life. It’s a lot ‘safer’ and more comfortable to not change anything and continue living with no risk of female rejection. The irony is that by not doing anything, or not approaching people who flip your attraction switches ever, you are actually being rejected by everyone! What you also have to realise is that although I’ve said before that humans judge us by our first impressions in an instant, it’s rarely founded on factors that represent YOU as a person. It takes a substantial amount of time for someone to really ‘get to know you’, so anytime you get rejected prior to this, it’s nothing to do with your core personality but more to do with some of your actions. Fortunately these external actions can be modified very easily.

What every successful person I have ever known or read about has in common is that they see every minor slipup or failure as an opportunity to grow and LEARN. As rejection can be seen as a failure, you can use this same concept to learn something from each rejection. This is what I used to do all the time as I realised that if I was shunned by a woman, it was because of something, however minor, that I had done wrong… NOT that anything with ME was inherently wrong.

Much love,

Sam

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