In a school setting, your girlfriend is likely to be very conscious of not making enemies, but there is also a chance that she is naive towards what you and your friends consider ‘flirting’. The school setting also makes it tricky to ‘avoid’ the problem as your girlfriend can’t choose who is in her class, so you do have to tread carefully with regards to what you insinuate around her.

In this case, it might be worth saying something to your girlfriend about how uncomfortable this guy’s advances make you but a lot of the effectiveness will be in HOW you say it. A passing, non-threatening and non-jealous comment that his staring is a bit creepy or forward to see how she reacts is a lot better than accusing her of doing anything, or even innocently being on the receiving end or anything.

Before saying anything though, make sure you aren’t reading too much into the whole situation, as once we’ve got our mind focused on one particular person fancying our girlfriend, it’s easy to notice and frame everything they do as an attempt to hit on her.

As mentioned in previous comments, the overriding best course of action is to try and put your instinctual feelings aside and not give your girlfriend a reason to go off with anyone else by continuing to be the best option available (not by directly competing with anyone else but by doing the things that make you a great boyfriend, as discussed in other articles on this website).

Things with this particular guy will blow over if you do the above whilst preventing yourself from fuelling any fires, so to speak.

Take it easy,

Sam

me and my gf have been going out for about a year now, and for the past few months theres this guy at school who hits on her every day, the thing is, she doesn’t realise that-or doesnt admit it, and so she continues talking with him. recently, she talks about him more and more, i talked to her about it and she got angry at me saying were just friends, but she’ll stop talking to him. ever since everyone in their classes confirm that he continually hits on her, but i trusted her and let it slide. but one day i walked past their class, and he was staring at her, constantly. i just feel so uncomfortable that shes getting close to somone that likes her like this. what should i do?

Everyone’s relationship setup is slightly different and the fact you are away for a good portion of the week is undoubtedly going to stir up a whole host of emotions such as missing each other. You have to work with what you’ve got though. Obviously whilst you are away she is going to continue enjoying her social life and whilst it might seem like you are being left out, the scenarios you’re creating in your mind are doing more harm than good.

As you’re away for over half a week at a time, you want to make an extra effort during the remaining days together to ensure they are happy and enjoyable.

Whilst you are away, trust for your girlfriend is imperative (and if she says she is “so in love with you” I’m sure there is nothing going on behind your back), so try to resist suspecting unknowns or accusing her or anything, which a lot of the phone calls and other behaviour hint at.

It sounds like you have a good relationship (together for three years is some feat) so try not to let emotions influence logic, although do speak to your girlfriend if the relationship setup is causing more strain for either of you than suggested.

The latest article on this website might answer some of your questions in more depth, if you have time to check it out, and it can be found here.

Thanks for writing,

Sam

Ha, no worries about writing again… If I am helping in any way then I am pleased… and at this rate I can always turn this page into a novel and make my millions that way!

I’m sorry to hear that things have come to this undesirable climax and that it is proving that your girlfriend may have been more deceitful than first thought. I still find that drawing conclusions from assumptions is going to torment you rather than provide closure. Either way, your girlfriend is either confused, playing games or stringing you along. It could be a result of the long-distance issue but it sounds like you’ve decided what you want to do now either way.

If you do decide that nothing more is going to continue between the two of you then you have the choice to either completely ignore her, or to be polite towards her but not actively friends. Whichever you decide, the key to moving on is not letting her have an emotional hold over you, especially if she tries to contact you. I personally find that being polite yet decisive and in control is a far healthier attitude to have with ex-girlfriends rather than being ‘enemies’. It may take some time to develop that sort of attitude though, especially with the way she has been acting recently.

Your big move is coming at an ideal time as it will be the perfect opportunity to move on and meet new people. I wish you the best of luck!

Sam

I know what your thinking oh boy its Tom again haha, but seriously once again I really appreciate you answering myself and everyone that writes in and helping us guys out. This should be the last question for a while from me and then I’ll give you a little break until next time haha.

Previously as I told you the big move is coming in 5 weeks and I was dealing with finding that my GF was talking to her ex, lying, going out all night without calling etc. The past week has been hell because everything she originally told me to defend her story, has been slightly changing in details, almost as if she thinks I wouldn’t remember what she originally told me lol. The ignoring me several nights telling me she was sleeping and sending “non nude” photos to her ex went from they were just photos of him and her together to “even if they were nude its nothing he hasnt seen before” right so that makes it okay..lol. We had a huge talked agreed to see how things went the next few weeks. Well a few day went by and just yesterday she wrote me this whole email on how she is so excited for me moving and wishes me luck etc. she said she was getting a new phone number and she would email it to me later that night so we can talk. Now that night rolled around and I get this email saying how she isnt going to give me her number because she couldn’t talk tonight anyway, she hasnt liked how iv been treating her??, I promised her we would get together and now Im not (she was suppose to tell me what weekend shes free and didnt) and she is going to spend time with this “friend” tonight and sleep over because she knows he will be there for her, I will always love you Tom, we can talk when YOU have time.” Now I haven’t heard from her for a few days, iv written back like just lost, like so am I going to get your number lol etc? and got no response.

The relationship is over thats obvious. Whats hard is I don’t know how to just let it go. I changed my number, blocked her emails, blocked her off facebook but I have never in my life and Im 25 have yet encountered someone who would lie and cheat and try to turn it on me like I did something wrong. She lied about talking to her ex, lied about seeing him in person which I found out she did, she swore she was never a girl to send photos or hook up with random people or drink a lot. Everything she said is coming out to be a big lie. I didn’t think people like this existed. Even if i wrote a ten page response on everything she did wrong she would still think its my fault or its something I did..

I am just looking for some closure on this, and what you think of everything, it would be greatly appreciated. I need to just move on and start my new life in 5 weeks thanks sam!

Even if she does find a way to contact me, I am probably better off just never responding right? Erase it let it go?

Thanks,

-Tom

Thanks for the kudos; I’m glad you found the article useful!

It’s great when constructive advice is taken on board, whoever it is from and I am still constantly learning myself. Although it usually takes consistent positive experiences to really cement new beliefs and attitudes, understanding and believing that there are coping mechanisms and positive outcomes for every conceivable situation in a relationship is the vital first step.

Thanks a lot for your comment,

Sam

There will always be times in a relationship where other aspects of life can seem to take priority. The main thing is that however busy you are, you try and schedule times where you can spend quality time together, however often and lengthy that may be. It will be something for both of you to look forward to and focus on rather than the routine of everyday life.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the guys working with her, especially if she tells you about what goes on. They are work colleagues and not of particularly high value to her so don’t feel you have to talk about them at length with her. Prevent any negative thoughts from creeping up on you and concentrate on what you can do to support her… Chances are that being that busy at work will be stressful for her, so it’s a perfect opportunity for you to be her happy relief from work pressures!

I hope it works out well for you,

Sam