One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when dating an attractive woman is accepting that other people will find her attractive and as a consequence, will try and hit on her.
I had it especially hard as my girlfriend was a freshman at University when our relationship first started becoming serious. This is a place where there are obviously a lot of sexually-charged, inebriated guys who don’t all necessarily have the best morals yet when it comes to dating. When I visited my girlfriend during this time, I would come up against a lot of situations where she was getting hit on and found several ways to effectively deal with it, both emotionally and in practice…
Take pride that she is attractive to other people:
Think honestly if you would rather date someone who no one ever showed any interest in, or someone who everyone wishes they were with? It is a massive COMPLIMENT to you if someone hits on your girlfriend.
As I’ve stated before, flirting within certain boundaries is harmless and it actually invigorates a woman to know she is still desirable to men, so let her have this non-judgemental validation. I remember talking to one of my older brother’s female friends a while back (they are around the thirty year old mark) and she said her biggest fear was to no longer have guys show interest in her as it would be a sign that she is becoming old and unattractive. Embrace the fact that your girlfriend is attractive and be proud to show her off to the world, knowing ultimately that she is with YOU!
Control feelings of jealousy:
Jealousy is the bane of most relationships and one of three main causes for infidelity. There are far better ways of letting your partner know that you want to be the recipient of their primary desires than getting jealous.
As I outlined in the article ‘The only way to prevent your partner cheating’, you will never ‘win’ by challenging any social threats… Your girlfriend is yours to begin with and she ultimately has the choice of who she dates. All you can do is work on being the best option available. Once you truly believe this, there will be absolutely no reason to get jealous of any of the situations I’m referring to.
Your partner will no doubt encounter attractive people who inspire a new spark within them but once again jealousy will only play against you. Long-term relationships are about a lot more than just attraction and it’s working on the relationship as a whole that will earn your partner’s trust, respect and commitment.
If alcohol heightens your jealous tendencies in social settings, then consider limiting the amount you drink. Having a clear mind will allow you to approach a situation far more reasonably than if you are drunk.
Trust your girlfriend:
Pretty much every relationship expert will tell you that successful relationships are primarily built on trust. Assuming you have picked a partner who is self-assured, she should be able to diffuse most uncomfortable social situations herself. A woman simply stating that she has a boyfriend is usually enough to detract most men’s pursuits. If this doesn’t work and she is still uncomfortable, she has the option to politely leave.
Women aren’t stupid… Even the most socially oblivious person knows when they are getting hit on and you should trust them to not try and hide their relationship status. Likewise, respect for this trust should go both ways and it is only when people start alluding to the fact they are in a relationship that more sinister practices are at play.
Your girlfriend getting hit on whilst you are there:
There are normally two sorts of actions that guys do when they see their girlfriend getting hit on at a social event, be it at a bar or at a private party. The first guy sees his lady being apprehended by an attractive and confident bloke from a distance and quietly does nothing, hoping that the situation will solve itself.
The second guy tries to take control of the situation in an overbearing way, possibly confronting the new guy (who hasn’t done anything wrong at this stage) and trying to envelop the intruder’s masculinity. Worse, he will ignore this guy entirely in a complete social faux-pas and privately chastise his woman for giving someone else her attention in the first place!
Both of these actions stem from jealousy and will actually stir resentment in your partner rather than control it.
The best way to approach the situation is to withhold any feelings of jealousy that might arise and join the interaction in a socially confident and respectable manner. Introduce yourself to the new person, as you should in any social circumstance, and make it known without rubbing anyone’s face in it that you are a couple. Take control of the conversation but be polite and friendly to everyone.
You want to have a happy medium between not sitting back helplessly letting these scenarios happen and not getting aggressive. You want to display that you are willing to protect your girlfriend if she needs you to but that she has her own freedom at the same time.
If it is not a one-off situation:
Dealing with a girlfriend getting hit on doesn’t necessarily just apply to someone approaching your partner at a one-off social event. Sometimes you will find that one of their friends of the opposite sex suddenly reveals more desires than simply friendship. This generally comes from a lack of choice in that person’s love-life.
This situation once again comes down to trust that your partner will keep you updated on the situation as well as a mutual respect to let everyone know where they stand.
You actually have a lot less to worry about in these particular scenarios. For someone to get to the friendship stage, having bypassed the creation of sexual attraction, it is very hard for them to go back and create it once they are regarded solely as friends. Furthermore, they are showing their own lack of integrity and attractiveness by hitting on someone they outright KNOW is in a relationship.
The overall attitude to have is to remember that your partner is with YOU and trusting they won’t abuse that will make both you and your relationship a lot more content.
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