Comments on: How to get through bad patches in a relationship http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/ Relationship and Dating Advice Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:49:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-3393 Samuel McCrohan Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:04:15 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-3393 Hi Will, The first thing you need to do is look deeply into WHY you are fighting and arguing... Are there any recurring themes? Once a couple get into the routine of arguing their points and emotions, it becomes a downward spiral, so you want to catch the start of these moments early (either with effort from your partner too or take the lead yourself if she doesn’t seem willing to do so) and allow yourself a lot more ‘cooling off’ time before getting into the trap of being mean to each other automatically. Emotions can be changed in an instant, so when you catch your girlfriend being mean to you, try and make a big effort to resist the temptation to retaliate. All the best, Sam Hi Will,

The first thing you need to do is look deeply into WHY you are fighting and arguing… Are there any recurring themes?

Once a couple get into the routine of arguing their points and emotions, it becomes a downward spiral, so you want to catch the start of these moments early (either with effort from your partner too or take the lead yourself if she doesn’t seem willing to do so) and allow yourself a lot more ‘cooling off’ time before getting into the trap of being mean to each other automatically.

Emotions can be changed in an instant, so when you catch your girlfriend being mean to you, try and make a big effort to resist the temptation to retaliate.

All the best,

Sam

]]> By: Will http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-3391 Will Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:49:49 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-3391 Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year now and we fight alot and were both really mean to each other sometimes and today she was awful to me and i was pretty awful to her and i just get mad real easily n so does she u just need some advice to help me and her have a long lasting relationship forever i just dont want us to fight anymore and and treat each other bad so what can i do please send me something back! Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year now and we fight alot and were both really mean to each other sometimes and today she was awful to me and i was pretty awful to her and i just get mad real easily n so does she u just need some advice to help me and her have a long lasting relationship forever i just dont want us to fight anymore and and treat each other bad so what can i do please send me something back!

]]> By: KamLayeddyhex http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-100 KamLayeddyhex Thu, 09 Apr 2009 09:50:26 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-100 FANTASTIC! FANTASTIC!

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-63 Samuel McCrohan Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:21:27 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-63 Hi Sonia, Thankyou for your kind words, :) Yes I would recommend reading up on the 'power struggle' in a relationship. I believe it is only when a couple are unanimously and consciously aware of such a stage in a relationship that they can progress through it, so it is also good that you've involved your partner in this research. Some couples stumble upon these realisations through consequence but the ones that don't are part of the reason that we have such a high divorce rate these days, which is saddening. It's so great that you're keen on actively improving your relationship. Do keep in touch... My e-mail address is near the top of this page. :) Sam Hi Sonia,
Thankyou for your kind words, :)
Yes I would recommend reading up on the ‘power struggle’ in a relationship. I believe it is only when a couple are unanimously and consciously aware of such a stage in a relationship that they can progress through it, so it is also good that you’ve involved your partner in this research.
Some couples stumble upon these realisations through consequence but the ones that don’t are part of the reason that we have such a high divorce rate these days, which is saddening. It’s so great that you’re keen on actively improving your relationship.
Do keep in touch… My e-mail address is near the top of this page. :)
Sam

]]> By: Sonia http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-60 Sonia Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:51:17 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-60 Hi Sam, Great read! I am going through a shocking time in my relationship at the moment and finding it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your words rang very true on many levels for me and I could see that my partner could rationalise with what you have written also, so I copied and pasted it to him to read over at his leisure! Thank goodness for people like you who just need to write a few words of wisdom to make those who feel trapped see a little common sense! I'm now going to read about power struggles!!! Many Thanks! :-) Hi Sam,

Great read! I am going through a shocking time in my relationship at the moment and finding it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your words rang very true on many levels for me and I could see that my partner could rationalise with what you have written also, so I copied and pasted it to him to read over at his leisure! Thank goodness for people like you who just need to write a few words of wisdom to make those who feel trapped see a little common sense! I’m now going to read about power struggles!!!

Many Thanks! :-)

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-42 Samuel McCrohan Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:53:36 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-42 Hi Helen, Thankyou so much for the link, it was a really interesting read. :) My mother is a health visitor and parenting advisor so we've had many in depth discussions about the psychology surrounding early development. I've never comprehensively related this early development to relationships and choice of partner before though. Although I agree that these kind of adaptations and connections exist, I've always promoted personal development as a means to achieve couple development, which over time aims to void the original adaptations. The bit I enjoyed the most from that article was distinguishing the three stages of romantic love. The 'power struggle' stage is something that I consistently see amongst evolving relationships and I think it's managing and getting through that stage in particular that signifies a truly fulfilling relationship. :) I also loved the quotes at the bottom of the article. :) Thankyou for your comment and link Helen, Sam Hi Helen,
Thankyou so much for the link, it was a really interesting read. :)
My mother is a health visitor and parenting advisor so we’ve had many in depth discussions about the psychology surrounding early development. I’ve never comprehensively related this early development to relationships and choice of partner before though.
Although I agree that these kind of adaptations and connections exist, I’ve always promoted personal development as a means to achieve couple development, which over time aims to void the original adaptations.
The bit I enjoyed the most from that article was distinguishing the three stages of romantic love. The ‘power struggle’ stage is something that I consistently see amongst evolving relationships and I think it’s managing and getting through that stage in particular that signifies a truly fulfilling relationship. :)
I also loved the quotes at the bottom of the article. :)
Thankyou for your comment and link Helen,
Sam

]]> By: Helen Glatt http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-41 Helen Glatt Wed, 25 Mar 2009 10:26:16 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-41 A really useful piece, Samuel. I'd like to add (if I may) that it's often really hard for couples to come down after the initial high of their 'in love' phase has worn off. I've been reading about 'Imago' theory and therapy - http://imago.com.au/WhatIsImago.php developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. I haven't looked into it deeply, but it's really quite fascinating and useful - lots of stuff about the power struggle that goes on once the relationship has become established and the way we tell ourselves stories in our heads about each other. A really useful piece, Samuel. I’d like to add (if I may) that it’s often really hard for couples to come down after the initial high of their ‘in love’ phase has worn off. I’ve been reading about ‘Imago’ theory and therapy – http://imago.com.au/WhatIsImago.php developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. I haven’t looked into it deeply, but it’s really quite fascinating and useful – lots of stuff about the power struggle that goes on once the relationship has become established and the way we tell ourselves stories in our heads about each other.

]]> By: Samuel McCrohan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-38 Samuel McCrohan Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:13:19 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-38 Hi Cass, I'm glad you found this article useful. :) I've thought long and hard about 'levels of consciousness' in relationships and it's something I intend to write about in the future. I think it's useful to know these sorts of theories whilst in a relationship but it is equally important to approach each situation as independent and use intuition as a primary basis for actions. :) Thanks for your comment, Sam Hi Cass,
I’m glad you found this article useful. :) I’ve thought long and hard about ‘levels of consciousness’ in relationships and it’s something I intend to write about in the future. I think it’s useful to know these sorts of theories whilst in a relationship but it is equally important to approach each situation as independent and use intuition as a primary basis for actions. :)
Thanks for your comment,
Sam

]]> By: Cass @supernan http://sparklife.info/blog/2009/03/bad-patches-relationship/#comment-36 Cass @supernan Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:47:21 +0000 http://sparklife.info/blog/?p=119#comment-36 Oh my. I can not believe how many stark realizations I had whilst reading this Samuel. I have been guilty of so many of your points in the past. Luckily I think I have found my dream man now but you still highlighted many points that I think I knew deep down but never wanted to admit. All the best. Cass @supernan Oh my. I can not believe how many stark realizations I had whilst reading this Samuel. I have been guilty of so many of your points in the past. Luckily I think I have found my dream man now but you still highlighted many points that I think I knew deep down but never wanted to admit. All the best. Cass @supernan

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